Stand By Me
by wiggles247
Summary: An exit storyline for John-Paul featuring a familiar face and an unlikely return. McDEAN (eventually - I absolutely promise!)
1. Nothing Good

**Hi Everyone. This is my first HollyOaks story and comes from a prolonged period of thesis procrastination when I watched one particular storyline from beginning to end (or as much as I could) on youtube (sorry can't be more specific yet = spoilers). Since then have had this story rattling around in my head and finally decided to write it up. Hope you enjoy it! This is a very short opener and I've always seen it in my head as being one of those post-credit clips that HO has. If you have a minute please leave a review - would love to know what people think. **

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><p>1. <span>Nothing Good<span>

January 5th 2015, 2.13am

Frankie's mobile pulsed for the second time in the darkness of her bedroom, briefly illuminating her bedside table before the scene faded to darkness once again. The visual change did not affect her though and, with its silence mode activated, the phone's activity caused no disturbance. However, the silence of the room was shattered a few seconds later by the sound of the land line, which also sat on Frankie's bedside table, ringing. Frankie automatically and unconsciously reached over to try to silence the source of the sound, only to be jolted into sudden and uneasy wakefulness by the realisation that it was the phone causing it, and the terrible thought that nothing good ever came from phone calls in the middle of the night. Her fears confirmed when, after picking up the receiver with slightly trembling hands, she heard the voice on the other end. "What is it?" she demanded, panicked, as she heard the unmistakeable sound of someone trying to speak through barely controlled sobs. "What's wrong?" She felt Jack stirring next to her as she continued, desperately trying to control her panic, "Sweetheart, you need to calm down, I can't understand you….Oh love, what's happened?"


	2. Unanswerable Questions

**So here's chapter 2 - another short one which doesn't tell you that much (it does all become clear soon-ish, I promise) but I hope you enjoy for all that. Hope to have another update up by the end of the week. Do please leave a review if you have a few seconds to spare - I really do like to know what people think of my scribblings. Enjoy...**

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><p>2. <span>Unanswerable Questions<span>

_January 5th 2015, 1.12pm_

Darren pushed open the door of The Dog to see a crush of people waiting by the bar and dirty glasses and plates on all the unoccupied tables.

"Oh Darren, thank god" his dad said as he came out of the kitchen carrying two meals. "I know you've just got back but would you be able to help out here, just till the lunch time rush subsides." He placed the meals down in front of two customers before continuing, "Mercedes has phoned in sick so there's only me and Esther, and I'm really desperate."

"I suppose," Darren said, looking round, "but where's Frankie?"

"She had to go away." Jack replied.

"What? Where?" Darren asked.

"Not here!" Jack answered definitely with a small shake of his head before heading back towards the bar, leaving a mystified Darren in his wake.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_January 5th 2015, 3.26pm_

"But I don't understand." Darren said, as he handed Jack the cup of tea he'd made him. "Why doesn't he want anyone to know?"

"I don't know," Jack answered, "but that's what Frankie said. And I couldn't really interrogate him about it in the circumstances."

"No, no I don't suppose so," Darren replied. "How's he doing?"

"Well, according to Frankie he's in a bad way. As you'd expect, I suppose."

"Yeah, yeah I suppose," Darren replied. "I mean if anything happened to Nancy I don't know what I'd do."

"Talking of Nancy," Jack said, "you're going to need to persuade her to keep quiet about this too, you know."

"Well," Darren said doubtfully, "I'll do my best, but you know I can't promise anything, right? You know what Nancy's like!" he concluded.

"Yes, yes I do. But you've got to try your best to make her see that she needs to do this…"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_January 5th 2015, 4.04pm_

"Well I'm not very happy about having to lie to one of my best friends." Nancy stated.

"It's not lying," Darren corrected, "you just don't tell him."

"And what if he asks?" Nancy persisted. "What then?"

"Oh Nancy, why would he?" Darren countered.

"I know it's not very likely, but what if he does? What do I do then?"

"Well," Darren concluded, after a short pause, "_then_ you lie!"


	3. Unravelling

**Sorry for the delayed update - I had internet access problems over the weekend. Thanks for the reviews received so far, if anyone has a minute to spare please leave one - I love reading them! Also, just a quick note, time has moved on in this chapter from the last, and this will happen fairly often in this fiction so you need to take notice of the dates at the top of each update (am going with the disappearing storyline habit that Hollyoaks has!) Anyway, enough explanation, hope you enjoy...**

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><p><em>3. <span>Unravelling<span>_

_March 16__th__ 2015, 5.24pm_

"Oh Jack, it's like he's fallen apart" Frankie said, as she clutched the cup of tea Jack had made her on her return. "He's been drinking way too much and I don't think he'd eaten properly since the last time I went to see him. He's lucky his work have been so sympathetic but I don't know how long they can keep things going as they are – and he's got the flat and everything. Oh God – it's all unravelling, and there's nothing I can do.

"Oh Frankie, I'm so sorry" Jack said, pulling her closer to him. "I thought last week might have helped."

"Yeah, that's what I thought… hoped, too. Or at least, I don't know, drawn some sort of line under it but if anything it seems to have made things worse. I mean the only blessing is that he pled guilty"

"Well he couldn't really do anything else could he? Not in the circumstances" Jack interjected.

"No, but at least we didn't have to sit through a trial, but then when the judge gave the sentence. I mean three years, its nothing is it- not really, and afterwards he just kept saying 'It's not enough! It's not enough!' over and over again. And then after – well I didn't think it could be any worse than the funeral, but turns out I was wrong about that. I mean, I spent Mother's Day listening to his heart break, over and over and over again." Frankie said, the emotion evident in her voice. "And there was nothing I could do because he's right – I mean he'll be out in what, 18 months? And that's not enough is it? Nowhere near enough, and if I think that – how can I expect him to feel any differently?"

"Well, I don't suppose any sentence, however long, would be enough for him at the moment, but hopefully when he's had a bit more time"

"Yes, but there's still the inquest to get through yet. And I can't see how he'll cope with that. I mean there'll go through all the details won't they – everything that happened and what they did, and I don't think he's ready to hear that. I think it might send him over the edge and he's so close to oblivion already it scares me"

"So, you weren't able to persuade him not to go then"

"No," Frankie said, close to tears, "I tried, god knows I tried but he wouldn't hear any of it. Kept saying that he had to go, that it was the last thing he could do for her, and that's all he can see, the only thing that seems to matter. And there was nothing I could say to change his mind, nothing…"

"Oh Frankie," Jack said, at a loss for what to say, resorting, in desperation, to clinging to practicalities "And they've got a date…for the inquest? You said it had been set when you phoned but I can't remember what date it was now."

"Yep, it's in for the 1st – they were just waiting for the trial. And it shouldn't take more than a couple of days – quite clear cut now, the coroner says. They'll still have to hear all the evidence but there's no doubt about what the verdict will be." Frankie replied, before continuing, "I just wish there was something I could do, anything, to make it better for him"

"And he still won't come home?" Jack asked.

"No, every time I suggest it he says he just can't and no matter what I say he just keeps saying it. I couldn't even persuade him to come with me today, not even for a few days, till the inquest. He said it'd be too hard to go back if he did, that he wouldn't be strong enough and that he couldn't risk it. That he had to go, and then, well we were back to where we started weren't we? We'd gone full circle and I might as well not have bothered saying anything. And..oh god Jack, what am I going to do?" Frankie asked, emotion finally overpowering her. "What can I do?" she managed to get out before the sobs which wracked her body stole her words.

And Jack, who felt just as helpless as Frankie, could only hold her tighter as she cried, and murmur words he didn't really believe to her, "It'll be OK, shhh, it'll be alright." over and over again.


	4. Curioser and Curioser

**Hi all, next update - a bit longer this time but still possibly more questions than answers (they are coming I promise!). Also, I do realise that at the time this is set some of the characters I'm mentioning won't still be on the 'real' HO but I hope you'll forgive me for using them as it makes it much easier to write as you've got an idea how they might act/react in the situations you're creating. **

**If you have a few moments to spare please leave a review or your own theory about what might be going on if you'd prefer - I love reading both!**

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><p><em>4. <span>Curiouser and Curiouser<span>_

_1st A__pril 2015, 1.14pm_

Jack's mobile rang and he stopped halfway through taking Dennis's order to take it out of his jacket pocket.

"Excuse me! What's go.." Dennis began

But Jack wasn't paying any attention, his focus entirely on his phone's display . "It's Frankie" he said to Darren who, on hearing his dad's ring-tone, had diverted from delivering the two lunches he was holding to approach the bar.

"Go, go." Darren said, "I'll sort this all out. You just speak to Frankie." And without another word Jack turned his back on Dennis and Blessing and walking towards the store room answered his phone.

"Hi, Frankie"

oooooo

"Look," Dennis said, "I don't know what's goi.."

"I'll be with you in a minute" Darren interrupted, glancing anxiously after his dad, "I'll just deliver these and then I'll be with you, ok?"

"Well, I suppose it'll ha…" Dennis began, before he realised that Darren had turned away from him and was walking towards the other side of the pub. "Unbelievable!" he exclaimed to Blessing who shrugged her shoulders slightly, and looked curiously after Jack.

oooooo

"..just so hideous Jack. It's breaking him – and I'm not sure he'll go back together again. And we haven't even got to the worst bits yet. They adjourned for lunch before the medical evidence or any of the police stuff. This morning's mostly been about all the formalities, swearing the jury in and explaining everything to them, and he's only just coping, so what's going to happen when they get down to the nuts and bolts of everything."

"Oh Frankie," Jack said, feeling the now familiar helplessness, "I'm so sorry. I wish I could be there for you both"

"I wish you could too," Frankie replied, revealing just how upset she was, before consciously making an effort to make Jack feel better she continued. "but I know you couldn't – the pub won't run itself. And anyway I'm not on my own – Jenny and Matt are here already and Lewis is meant to be coming this afternoon, and Sinead's on her way too because she's got no lectures this afternoon. And then tomorrow James is definitely coming, and Jenny's going to try to swap some things round so she can come again, at least for the morning"

"Jenny's the one who works with him, right?" Jack asked.

"Yep, and James too. Oh and Lewis – he's his boss. Such a lovely man - he's the one who's been keeping his job open, sorting it all out for him. I don't know how he's managed to square it with…."

oooooo

"What's up with you?" Mercedes demanded of Darren, who was standing behind the bar but ignoring the customers who were standing on the other side of it, his focus instead concentrated on Jack who was in the store room apparently on the phone

"What?" Darren replied.

"Well I mean is your dad on the phone to David Cameron or the Queen or summat? No, don't tell me it's his lawyer or a loan shark"

"What? No!" Darren said, obviously flustered. "It's Frankie."

"Well then do you think you could actually do some work rather than standing there gazing at him like some kind of… hideous gargoyle. It's the lunchtime rush in case you haven't noticed and I can't run this place single-handed." Mercedes stated, indicating the pub, before continuing, "And where is Frankie anyway? She's hardly here these days and yet nobody ever says where she's gone. And it's the Easter bank holiday coming up and there's no way she'd go AWOL then if it wasn't something important, so?"

"So?" Darren repeated, still glancing over towards Jack.

"So, where is she?"

"Has it ever occurred to you that it's none of your business what Frankie does, or where she goes?" Darren spat out at her, his attention suddenly focussed solely on her. "No, I didn't think so because you're a McQueen girl and you have to know everything about everyone so you can gossip about it with your sisters, and your mum, and your nanna, or use it for blackmail purposes of course."

"Hey, I was only aski.." Mercedes began, stepping away from him slightly.

"Well in future – don't!" Darren commanded, before continuing. "Now, I'm going to collect some empties, if that's OK with you of course"

"Well you'd be doing something, which'd be a st.." Mercedes began, before seeing Darren's face deciding not to continue, instead letting him pass her on his way out of the bar. She watched him curiously for a few moments more before turning to the bar and saying with a somewhat forced smile, "Erm, sorry about that and the wait." to the customer standing at the bar. "What can I get you?" But whilst she got his order ready she kept watching Darren, aware that he wouldn't normally react like that and thinking to herself, 'Something's going on here, there's definitely something up!'

oooooo

"…think I might have to change my ticket – I really can't see me being able to leave him on Saturday and he's adamant that he won't come back with me. And I know it's terrible timing with the Easter bank..."

"Hey," Jack interrupted, "don't you go worrying about that. We'll be fine – you take as much time as you need. I'll sort something out for here."

"I know," Frankie said, "but"

"But nothing," Jack replied definitely, "the pub is the least of your worries at the moment and that's exactly the way it should be."

"Yeah, yeah I know. Anyhow, how is everything there? Did Oscar enjoy the Easter Egg party?"

"Oh yes" Jack said smiling, "he had a brilliant time by all accounts – ate his weight in chocolate apparently. Darren's got some lovely photos and Nancy even managed to get there for some of it – her and John-Paul sneaked off a bit early. And it was a glorious day – really sunny, so they were able to do it all outside."

"Oh good, that's great. If you get a minute can you send me some of the pho…Oh Jack, I'm going to have to go. He's just come out and we need to be back in court soon and I really want to get him outside before then – try to remind him that the world is still there."

"Of course, you go." Jack said. "I'll call you tonight, ok?"

"Ok, bye then"

"Bye love, and remember we're all thinking of you both"

"Yes, I know, thanks. Bye." Frankie said before finishing the call.

"Bye" Jack said, listening to the dialling tone for a few moments before he too pressed the disconnect button and replaced his mobile in his jacket pocket. Then he turned back towards the pub and slowly made his way back towards the bar. He was intercepted by Darren who was obviously on his way to the kitchen with a stack of dirty glasses

"So what did Frankie say?" he asked him quietly. "Is it is bad as she thought it was going to be?"

"Worse, by all accounts" he replied softly, before stopping Darren in his tracks by saying "Look, not here ok?" And Darren following his dad's gaze saw Mercedes watching them interestedly, and said

"Ok, later then – when she's gone."

"Yep" Jack replied, "but till then those glasses aren't going to wash themselves," he continued, raising his voice slightly "so you'd better get them to the dishwasher."

"Yes, course" Darren answered and walked off towards the kitchen, pausing at the door to watch his dad walk slowly towards the bar, looking like he had the weight of the world on his shoulders. And noticing also that he wasn't the only one watching – Mercedes was still, whilst pulling a pint, looking at his dad with that look which signified cogs whirring in her beautiful, diabolical head. 'We've got to do something about that - have to try harder to get her off the scent' he concluded to himself as he looked at her for one last time before pushing open the kitchen door.


	5. Marking Mishaps

**Next chapter - again not many answers but I can categorically (and truthfully) state that it definitely isn't anything to do with a dog (although it was a theory I'd not thought anyone would think of so 10/10 for originality!) Other theories and/or reviews always welcome. Hope to have the next update up by the end of this week, till then enjoy...**

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><p><em>5. <em>Marking Mishaps

_1__st__ April 2015_

_3.06pm_

"Hey gorgeous" Darren called out as Nancy walked into The Dog. "Aren't you meant to be up to your eyes in red pen and A-stars?"

"A-stars – chance'd be a fine thing! I swear my year 7 class must all have been asleep for the whole of last term if their essays on 'Across the Barricades' are anything to go by, I mean one of them even seemed to think that Sadie was Catholic."

"Sorry babe," Darren said, "you've lost me. You do know the only book I've ever read all the way through is 'The Dambusters' right?"

"And 'The Very Hungry Caterpillar'" Nancy reminded him, smiling as she sat down on one of the stools in front of the bar.

"Oh yeah – that too," Darren agreed, bending down so he was leaning on the bar looking at her.

"Well, suffice it to say I was in the middle of a mini marking melt-down, so I thought I'd better get out of there before it went mega, so here I am"

"Mini marking meltdown," Darren repeated. "I like it – that's some good alliteration."

"Alliteration" Nancy said, beaming, "yay, somebody's learnt something from me. You've just made my day!" she said, leaning in for a kiss before sitting back still smiling.

"Well to be fair," Darren said, "if my English teacher had been as hot as you and had given me sexual favours like you, instead of being Mr Turner with the slightly strange smell, I might have done better in my final exam."

"Oohh, now there's an idea for my A-level class," she responded, before quickly adding "Joking" when she saw the look on Darren's face.

"Ha, ha," Darren said, before once again smiling at her, continuing, "but don't eh" before leaning over the bar and kissing her again.

"Mmmm. Sooo" Nancy said as they finally parted, "What's going on with you then?"

"Well, it's the post-lunch lull" Darren answered, opening his arms to indicate the almost empty pub, "so Mercedes skived off early about 20 minutes ago; Dad's just popped to the bank to get us some more fivers and pound coins and I've made myself a cappuccino with not one, not two but three shots of caramel syrup in" he continued, holding his cup up, "because that's how we roll here in the cut throat world of the high-class hospitality industry"

"Three shots!" Nancy exclaimed, pulling a face, "Ughh, I don't know how you can drink that," she continued looking suspiciously at his cup.

"Nah, this" Darren said, moving the cup towards his mouth, "this is lovely!" before taking a large swig, and proclaiming "Now that's just what the doctor ordered."

"Yeah, but not the dentist" Nancy said shaking her head slightly. "But anyway do you think the post-lunch lull will last long enough for you to pick Oscar up from nursery? And before you say anything, I know I said I'd do it today but I was thinking if I could just have another few hours at school then I might be able to get my year 9 marking finished, and maybe even start on the year 10 stuff. Then all I'll have to do tomorrow is the A-level stuff, which I might even be able to finish. And then I'll be able to relax a bit more over the weekend because it'll just be odds and ends that I'll have left to do, well and lesson planning and I really want to be able to enjoy Sunday, because it feels like ages since we've done something as a family."

"Oh," Darren said, "yeah, yes of course I'll pick Oscar up but I'm not sure about Sunday now. Sorry, but I don't think I'm going to be able to get away now."

"But Darren," Nancy objected, "it's been arranged for ages."

"Yeah I know but Frankie doesn't think she'll be able to come back on Saturday now."

"Oh god," Nancy said, briefly bringing her hand up to her mouth, "with everything, I'd forgotten that was today. Have you heard from her?"

"She phoned dad at lunchtime."

"And how was it going?" she asked.

"Well she didn't say that much, it was just a quick call – dad's going to phone her tonight to find out everything, but from what she did say he's barely holding on. And they hadn't even started the main evidence then – god knows what he'll be like tonight when he's listened to all the medical stuff."

"Oh no, poor thing" Nancy said, unconsciously reaching for Darren's hand and holding it, "it doesn't bear thinking about does it."

"No," Darren replied, squeezing her hand gently in response, "no it doesn't."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_3.07pm_

"John-Paul," Mercedes called out after she'd put her bags down on the sofa, "John-Paul, John-Paul are you here? John-Paul?"

'Dammit,' John Paul thought, 'I knew I should have gone into school like Nancy'. He decided to keep quiet and see if she would give up, because he really didn't have time to get involved with Mercy's dramas now (because with Mercy it was always drama) not with all this to do, he thought as he glanced over at the pile of year 12 essays he hadn't even started on yet. Mercedes had stopped calling and for one blissful moment he thought his ruse might have worked and that she had put the kettle on and was right now preparing to settle down to read one of her trashy magazines, or even better had gone out again – back to work maybe, because he was sure she was meant to be at The Dog. But a few seconds later this happy thought had to be dismissed when she again called out, sounding irritated now "John-Paul, you'd better not be in now. John-Paul!" and even worse he heard her coming up the stairs. And a long-practiced survival instinct, honed from a lifetime of living with a seemingly never-ending stream of demanding McQueen women kicked in and he grabbed his headphones and just managed to connect them to his phone and put them into his ears before Mercy barged into his room.

"Oi," she shouted as she came in "are you deaf or summat? I've been calling you for ages." And John-Paul who had spun his chair round to face her when he'd heard the door smash into the wall must have done a good enough job of acting shocked as he removed the headphones and messed with his phone as if to turn it off, because as she took in the scene, she finished with a kind of semi-strangled, "Oh."

"What the hell?" John-Paul said, knowing that he needed to carry on with the pretence that he hadn't heard her if he wanted to avoid her wrath, and that righteous indignation was his best weapon in the fight. "What are you doing? Haven't you heard of knocking?"

"Oh, um, err, sorry." Mercy said, and John-Paul realised that he was safe, and smiling inwardly to himself pressed home his advantage.

"What is it with everybody in this house? I'm working!" he exclaimed, indicating the pile of year 8 books piled up round him on his desk "and I don't need to be interrupted."

"Yeah, um sorry" Mercy repeated.

"And I thought_ you_ were working," John-Paul said, turning down the indignation a notch or three, and continuing in his normal tone of voice, "I thought this morning you said you were going to The Dog when you got back from town." Actually, he was sure she'd said that as the prospect of a house sans McQueen women had been the main reason he'd decided to do his marking at home rather than carting everything back into school.

"Yeah, I'm doing a split shift" Mercy explained, still sounding sheepish, "It's normally dead in there after the lunchtime rush until later. So I'll go back in for the rest of it tonight."

"Oh, makes sense" John-Paul said before, remembering that he was still meant to have been suddenly disturbed by her barging into his room, continuing with a slight edge to his voice. "So, what do you want? What was all the banging and crashing about?"

"Oh, erm well," Mercy began, and John-Paul was - pleased to hear that she still sounded contrite, "Well, has Nancy said anything to you about Frankie?"

"What?" John-Paul asked, genuinely flummoxed by the question.

"Well there's definitely something up – she's away, **again, **and whenever I ask Darren or Jack about it they'll never answer me. I mean she's hardly been here the past few weeks, and she's been "away"" she continued, quotation marking the last word with her fingers, "loads this year." And, now that he thought about it John-Paul had to agree that he hadn't seen much of Frankie last month and there had been a number of times when he'd heard Nancy or Jack or Esther mention, for some reason, that she wasn't at home since the New Year, but he still couldn't see the relevance so said

"So?"

"So, so" Mercy scoffed, "so something has got to be up hasn't it? Here, you don't think that she's moved on to one of them other Roscoe boys do you? Or that her precious Jake's run some other poor old dear down?"

"Mercy!" John-Paul said, warning her.

"Well it's got to be something. She wouldn't miss the Easter bank holiday for nothing – it's one of the busiest times of the year, especially Sunday cos there's no shops open"

"But she might be back by then" John-Paul reasoned, "It's only Wednesday"

"Mmm, I suppose… and Nancy's said nothing to you about it?"

"No," John-Paul replied "but then.."

"And that doesn't strike you as being a little – odd?" Mercy interrupted.

"Not really, no. Surprisingly, Nancy and I very rarely have conversations about her step-mother-in-law. I mean why would we?"

"Well _can_ you ask her?"

"I _could_ but I'm not going to" John-Paul answered definitely.

"Oh go on – she'll tell you."

"No!"

"Oh, why not?"

"Do you really want me to answer that question?" John-Paul demanded. And then when Mercy didn't answer began to recite a list, "Because she's my friend, because I have better things to talk to her about, because its none of your business, bec.."

"That's what Darren said today," Mercy interrupted, remembering with a sting that exchange, "he was quite aggressive about it too."

"Has it never occurred to you Mercy that he's right?" John-Paul asked. "What business of yours is it where Frankie's gone, or why she's gone for that matter? It's got absolutely nothing to do with you! And," he continued, real annoyance in his voice, "quite frankly I've got much better things to do than sit here and talk about her. Mercy, I've got so much marking to do" he said, indicating the books and papers on his desk and in the box at his feet, "and I really want to get the majority of it done this week so that I can go away with Matthew on Monday without feeling guilty, or taking huge piles of work with me. And having you in here prattling on about Frankie is NOT helping."

"Well, if you say you'll ask Nancy I'll go and leave you to it." Mercy said, adding as an afterthought. "I might even make you a cup of tea."

"No!" John-Paul insisted.

"Fine," Mercy said, "well in that case I'll just make myself comfortable" she continued, and proceeded to sit down on the bed,

"What do you think you're doing?" John-Paul asked

"What does it look like?"

"Get out!" John-Paul exclaimed standing up, "I mean it – get out!"

"Make me!" Mercy answered, smiling over at him and adjusting her position slightly.

"Don't push me!" John-Paul said quietly glaring at her. But they both knew that he wouldn't do anything to her, so after a few seconds he sat back down again and continued. "Fine, stay there then – it makes no odds to me." And turning back to his desk he began to re-read the essay Mercy's interruption had disturbed him from

oooooo

However, after ten minutes or so he began to realise that actually it did make 'odds to him' – lots of them. He just couldn't concentrate with her there. "Sometimes Mercy," he began, turning to look at her sitting on his bed, "I hate you, you know!" Mercy's only response was a smug smile and, realising that if this carried on he'd get no work done, John-Paul decided that discretion was the better part of valour, and said. "If I promise that if I see Nancy I'll try to ask where Frankie is, will you leave?"

"Of course, baby brother!" Mercy replied, smiling as she got up. "I'll even get you that cup of tea," she continued as she crossed the room, stopping before closing the door to say, "See, that wasn't so hard was it?"

John-Paul's response – throwing the red pen he'd been using at the door –had no effect on her, bouncing harmlessly off the now closed door, but did make him feel slightly better. "I need to get my own place" he muttered to himself, before picking up another red pen from the collection on his desk and getting back to the task in hand. "Unbelievable, absolutely unbelievable!"


	6. Diversionary Tactics

**Yay, finally get to update the ''front-sheet' description with a character at long last, and a proper picture too. And think I'll actually be able to put a proper synopsis up without the risk of spoilering things within the next few chapters too! Reviews and/or theories (whilst you still don't know) always welcome! ENJOY...**

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><p><em>6. <span>Diversionary Tactics<span>_

_2__nd__ April 2015_

_8.42am_

"Hey, Nance." John-Paul said sounding surprised, as he walked in to the staff room "I thought I'd be the first one in today. Well apart from Gregor obviously."

"Yeah well Darren said he'd drop Oscar off at nursery this morning so I thought I'd get an early start. I really want to get as much of my marking done as possible today, so I've been in since just after half seven."

"Wow – I didn't even know the school was open that early?"

"Yes it is, just – Gregor starts at 7.30." Nancy replied, "Of course, the only problem with early starts is they mean early breakfasts," she continued, "I've had to come here for seconds – I'm starving," she said, indicating the microwave that John-Paul now realised was on and spinning. "Luckily I found one of those porridge sachets in my desk, or it would have to have been a chocolate bar from the vending machine, and I think I'll probably need that later if the state of the year 10 work I've read so far is anything to go by. Do you want one?" she said, pointing at the cup on the counter beside her.

"Oh yes please," John-Paul replied, as Nancy flicked the kettle switch to on.

"Tea, coffee?" Nancy asked

"Coffee please, I'll do it though," he said, walking over to where Nancy had just opened the cupboard to get a cup out for him.

"Thanks" he said, as she handed it to him and then the coffee and a teaspoon too. "So," he said remembering his promise to Mercy and diving straight in to the plan he had formulated, "has Oscar come down from the chocolate high yet?"

"Just about," Nancy said smiling. "Honestly I had no idea they'd have that many chocolate eggs there. I was thinking it'd be one each, two at the most. But I think he had about seven by the end. He wasn't sick though – he's obviously inherited his mother's tolerance to huge amounts of chocolate. How about Matthew?"

"Well he wasn't sick but he did say he had a bit of a tummy ache when we got home. Didn't put him off though – he asked me if they were going to have another Easter Egg party when I took him in yesterday. Oh that reminds me, I knew what I meant to ask you, erm - is Frankie alright?"

"What?" Nancy asked, knocked off kilter by the question and desperately trying to gain a few moments more thinking time, and even more desperately hoping the conversation wouldn't go down the route she feared it might.

"Well it's just, I thought it was a bit odd that she wasn't there on Tuesday, and then Mercy said that she'd gone away and I thought that the timing was a bit strange. I mean, Frankie never normally misses any of the nursery events does she? She is alright isn't she?"

"Erm," was the only thing Nancy could manage as she desperately tried to make her brain come up with something other than swear words. "Erm, yes she's OK, well apart from her essential Frankie-ness obviously," she continued. Before, suddenly, and just in the nick of time – inspiration. "And, anyway she hasn't really missed much, Darren took loads of photos on Tuesday and I'm sure he said he'd already sent the best ones for her to see. Ooohh, and he took some really cute video on his phone of Oscar and Matthew, before we arrived as well, and she's seen that too. And actually, d'uh," she continued, "I can send it to you as well if you like cos he's sent it to me as well."

"Oh yeah, that'd be great" John-Paul answered, "I took some photos but it's always nice to have some moving footage too, isn't it? I don't know why but I always forget I can do it on my phone – stupid really,"

"Right, well, I'll just sort out breakfast number two" Nancy said opening the microwave door, "whilst you make your coffee, 'cos I think the kettle's boiled now" she continued, looking over at it steaming, "and then I'll send it on to you. OK?"

"Yeah, yeah," John-Paul agreed as he poured boiling water into his cup, all thoughts of Frankie and promises to Mercy driven from his mind, "that'd be great, thanks."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_12.02pm_

"That was really good!" Darren stated.

"Yes, I don't know where it came from." Nancy replied, "I couldn't think what to say and then, suddenly - bing. And it meant I didn't have lie to him either," she finished, the relief evident in her voice.

"And he didn't say anything about Frankie again?" Darren asked.

"No, no – as soon as I showed him the footage I think she was the last thing on his mind, thank god! Because seriously Darren I don't know what I'd have done if he'd kept on asking questions."

"Well we don't need to worry about that for now, do we?" Darren tried to reassure her.

"No, not with John-Paul, for the moment. Especially because with any luck by the time Frankie's back he'll be off on holiday with Matthew." Nancy admitted, "But there's still motor-mouth to consider!"

"Motor-mouth?" Darren asked, the puzzlement evident on his face as well as in his tone of voice.

"Ttt, Mercedes!" Nancy replied, as if it was the most obvious thing on earth. "John-Paul said that she'd been wondering about where Frankie's been and I can't see her being fobbed off by some cute photos of Matthew, can you?"

"Oh jeez," Darren said, "so what are we meant to do then?"

"I don't know. When's she next in?"

"Well, she was meant to start at 12 so," Darren said, looking at his watch, "I expect she'll be in in about ten minutes."

"Right, OK. Urm…well that gives us a bit of time at least. John-Paul's up to his eyes in marking so he won't be speaking to her anytime soon, so she won't be putting any more ideas about Frankie into his head for a while.

"Yes," Darren said, "but presumably they will speak at some point – and if she's as interested as you say, she's going to ask him about it isn't she. What happens then?"

"I don't know," Nancy replied, "I suppose we'll just have to hope something happens in the meantime to take her mind off it."

"Ttt, and how like.." Darren began.

"Unless…" Nancy continued, talking over him, "unless WE GIVE her something else to think about."

"What?"

"Well, she's all hot and bothered about Frankie's disappearing act at the moment, right?"

"Rrright." Darren repeated uncertainly.

"So, we'll give her something else to gossip about."

"What? How?"

"How do you think, Darren?" Nancy asked. "What is it that Mercedes gets off on?" She paused for a few moments before, noticing the confused look on his face, answering her own question. "Other people's misery!"

"I'm not sure that's qui.."

"Well, conflict then," Nancy conceded, "she thrives on it. She's never happier than when she's watching people tear strips off each other. Well," she continued, noticing the expression on Darren's face, "that might be a bit of an exaggeration but you know what I mean. She does love a good argument, right?"

"Right, sooo…"

"So, we give her a good argument, or arguments – tonight," Nancy stated. "I'll keep John-Paul at the school until she's started her shift tonight, when's that 6?" Darren nodded. "It shouldn't be too hard because I know he wants to get most of his marking done today so he can go on holiday without feeling too guilty, and Carmel's picking up Matthew and Katherine-Angel tonight. And then, when I get back we can put on one of our best shows – give her so much to gossip about that Frankie will be the last thing on her mind."

"Fake fights?" Darren said, smiling "yeah, think I can manage that. Just as long as the making up part isn't fake too."

"Idiot!" Nancy said affectionately, returning his smile. "Right, I'd better get back, I told John-Paul I was only popping out to get a bit of lunch to bring back, and I really don't want him coming to look for me. So I'll see you later then," she finished, before leaning over the bar to give him a kiss.

"Yep, bye," Darren said, watching her walk over to the door before returning his attention to the paper he'd been reading before Nancy came in. Only to be startled a few seconds later by the door of the pub crashing open again, and a seemingly furious Nancy shouting across at him.

"And if you think you're getting your own way on this then you've got another thing coming!" before storming off, and letting the pub door crash behind her. He stood bewildered for a few moments before everything became clear as Mercedes walked in, looking curiously after Nancy as she marched off towards the village, then turned to Darren and asked.

"What's rattled her cage?"

"That's none of your business," Darren snapped, before turning away for just a moment because he needed to hide his smile, 'she really is brilliant', he thought. Before turning back and continuing in the same annoyed tone of voice, "And what time do you call this? You're meant to start work at 12 o'clock, not just waltz in when you feel like it. You'll have to make the time up!"

"Ok, ok," Mercedes said, "keep your wig on! It's not my fault you and Nancy are having a domestic!"

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_11.16pm_

"Where you going?" Mercedes demanded of John-Paul as she walked through the front door and spotted him heading up the stairs.

"Erm…bed." He answered, stopping to turn round and look at her as if she was simple. "Where else?"

"Oh…don't you feel like staying up and talking to your favourite sister for a bit?"

"Well, if she was here I might, but as Carmel's at Sonny's it's a moot point."

"Oh John-Paul, please – I'm wide awake now and I don't want to sit down here on my own like a billy-no-mates."

"Mercy, I've spent nearly twelve hours in school marking god knows how many pieces of work, most of which weren't as good as they could have been, its nearly half past eleven already and no doubt Matthew is going to wake up at stupid o'clock tomorrow because it's a bank holiday and we could have a lie-in without worrying. So, surprisingly enough helping you with your loneliness isn't high on my priority list! If you're so wide awake there's a pile of ironing there that needs doing and the oven looks like it hasn't been cleaned since it was fitted. I'm going to bed!" he concluded firmly, and started up the stairs again.

"What's up with D0arren and Nancy?" Mercedes asked, in an attempt to pique his interest and keep him talking.

"What?" John-Paul asked, partially fulfilling her wish by reversing down the stairs so that he could see her.

"Well something's up," Mercedes said, "they were going at it hammer and tongs today. Had a slanging match behind the bar and everything. She ended up pouring Ziggy's pint over him, which did not go down well – with Darren or Ziggy. So, did she say anything to you, cos she was mad at him when I went in at lunchtime too?"

"No, no," John-Paul, replied thoughtfully, "she didn't say anything this afternoon. Although, now you come to mention it she was a bit off this afternoon. I mean not with me or anything, but yeah I suppose she did seem angry or upset or something. But like I said she didn't say anything."

"Well, you're going to have to ask her?"

"Oh no, no!" John-Paul stated flatly. "I'm not going to get involved – I've had enough relationship dramas of my own without _asking_ to be pulled into someone else's."

"Oh – please!"

"No, not a chance!"

"But John-Paul, please, how else am I meant to find out what's going on?"

"Don't know, don't care." John-Paul replied, continuing "I'm going to bed" and setting off up the stairs again.

"But John-Paul, ple…"

"Night Mercy," John-Paul called pointedly down the stairs, and a moment later she heard the bathroom door close.

"Dammit," she said out loud to herself. "Fine," she continued, "I'll just have to find out for myself, won't I?"


	7. Wish You Were Here

**A really short update this time, and no answers, but they are coming really shortly, promise! If anyone has a few seconds to spare please leave a review, or if anyone has a theory about what's going on I'd love to hear them too...**

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><p>7. <span>Wish You Were Here<span>

_June 4__th__ 2015, 9.54_

"We've got another postcard," Frankie announced as she walked in to the flat carrying the post.

"Oh, what's it say?" Jack asked.

"Just like the others – not a lot!" Frankie replied bitterly, handing it to him.

"Hey, hey" Jack said, quickly scanning the card before putting it down on the table and, after doing the same with the rest of the post Frankie had been holding, pulling her towards him. "I know it's difficult but at least he is sending them, and he sounded better when he called last week."

"Yes, but it was such a short phone call" Frankie objected. "I don't know why he can't just use his mobile. I mean what's the point of having one if you just use pay phones all the time. That's what they were designed for isn't it? So you can call from wherever you are in the world, and so that people can get in touch when they need to."

"But Frankie," Jack replied gently, "I think that's why his mobile is always turned off at the moment - he needs to be able to get in touch on his own terms. And at the moment all he can do is postcards and short calls from phone boxes, and we'll all just have to wait until that changes."

"But, it's so hard" Frankie said

"Hey, I didn't say anything about waiting patiently," Jack said, smiling slightly, in an attempt to lighten the mood.

It worked, briefly, as Frankie returned his smile with a very small one of her own before she seemed to remember what they were discussing and said, in a voice once again full of emotion. "I just want to know that he's OK, that's all."

"And you do" Jack reminded her, touching the corner of the postcard that was still visible under the rest of the post, "and he did sound better in that last phone call – a lot better."

"I know, I know but I just want to see him. That's what it all boils down to. I just wish he'd come home!" Frankie said the desperation evident in her voice. "I just want him home!"

"Oh Frankie" Jack said, holding her closer and kissing the top of her head, "I know, I know."


	8. Paranoid Android?

**Hurrah! After a particularly stressful morning I finally get to put a proper synopsis up (although the front sheet isn't quite finished yet...!) This chapter is the start of the reveal so I hope you all enjoy it. Please leave a review if you have a few seconds to spare, and as ever I'm all up for hearing people's theories especially as it really is now or never!**

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><p><em>8. <em>Paranoid Android?

_July 20__th__ 2015 _

_8.24am_

John-Paul stopped and looked around, once again experiencing the unsettling feeling that he was being watched. He couldn't see anything or, perhaps more importantly, anyone though and was dragged back to the real world from his imaginings by Matthew pulling on his arm, "Daddy, what have we stopped for? Come on!" They set off once again, and whilst Matthew began to hum a tune he recognised but couldn't name he wondered what had happened to the weather as he pulled his jacket a little closer to himself. It had been absolutely sweltering in June when the exams had been on, but as soon as the summer holidays had begun the weather had turned and it had felt more like March than July for the past few days. 'Typical British summer' he concluded as they approached the nursery entrance with John-Paul still not quite able to shake the feeling that somebody had been watching them every step of the way.

oooooo

_8.38_

John-Paul held the door open for two mums who were dropping their children off. As he stepped back to let them pass he smiled at the one he recognised and waved at the little girl with her – Amelia, Amelie? – who was in Matthew's room. The woman returned the smile whilst carrying on her conversation and _Amelie_ waved back. Once they had past he went through the door and was just about to let it close when he appeared to change his mind and re-entered the building. He approached the office and after attracting Emma's attention, said, "I know this is going to sound like a really odd question, and I promise you I'm not being paranoid but you haven't noticed anyone hanging around outside recently have you?"

"Erm, no," Emma replied looking slightly startled at the question. "No, not that I know of, I mean no-one's reported anything like that, and I've not seen anybody," she continued. "Why?"

"Oh it's probably just me," John-Paul said, "but for the past few days I've kept getting this feeling that I'm being watched and it's normally when I'm bringing Matthew here and I just wondered if anyone here had noticed anyone suspicious han.."

"No, no." Emma repeated. "We're always really careful about things like that, obviously, and like I said nobody's mentioned anything at all like that. I can keep an extra eye out if you'd like though, and get the others too as well."

"Could you? Oh, that'd be great," John-Paul replied, the gratitude evident in his voice. "I mean it's probably just one of my students thinking it's funny to follow Mr McQueen around and make him think he's going crazy but, well"

"You can never be too careful," Emma finished for him with a smile. "No, that's fine. I understand, really – when it comes to your children it really is better to be safe than sorry."

"Oh, thank you so much," John-Paul said, "and like I said, it's probably just someone's idea of a joke. And I'll let you know if I catch anybody at it," he added smiling.

"Mmm, and you make sure you give them at least a week's worth of detention when you do," Emma said returning his smile.

"Oh don't worry – I will," John-Paul agreed, before continuing just before he left the office. "Thanks again, I'll see you this afternoon."

"OK, I think Matthew's room are cooking today so you might be in for a treat tonight."

"Oh right, I'll look forward to that then," John-Paul said, "see you later then."

"Yes, bye John-Paul," Emma said, watching him leave before she returned to checking next week's menus.

John-Paul stood for a moment at the edge of the porch feeling a lot better. At least now the nursery staff would be keeping an extra eye out around Matthew **and** Emma didn't seem to think he was mad, which was definitely a bonus. 'And it probably is just one of the pupils' he thought to himself 'it's just the kind of thing that Lucas would find funny. Or maybe even James and Tyler – I wouldn't put anything past them two when they're together!' But despite this as he stepped out of the porch and walked towards the gate he couldn't help but stop and look around, before with a shake of his head, he smiled and muttered "Paranoid android!" and started walking again.

.. .. ..

However, it didn't take long for this new found confidence to waver as, after closing the gate of the nursery grounds and beginning to walk back towards the village, he once again felt that someone was watching him. And, despite himself, he had to stop and look around… but the only person he could see was Amelie's mum closing the gate he had not long come out of. She stopped when she saw him looking back then gave him an uncertain wave. "Come on, get a grip!" John-Paul said angrily to himself, as he returned her wave then turned away and began to walk away from the nursery again. 'For god's sake,' he told himself 'he's in prison. He can't hurt you here! It'll just be Lucas's idea of a joke, or one of those other scallies in year 8. It's not like there aren't enough of them to choose from. You just need to catch them at it – that's all.' But no matter how much he told himself this, he just wasn't quite convinced. It was the first full week of the holiday and not even nine o'clock yet. He doubted that any of his year 8's were even awake yet, let alone up, dressed and performing reconnaissance missions – it just didn't make sense. 'So maybe I am paranoid' he thought, "and I am just imagining it all. After all who else could it be?' And the little voice at the back of his head which came up with a name was shouted down with a '**he's** in prison!' roar from the rest of his brain. And still the bloody feeling was there – someone was watching him, he knew it, and he hated it. He continued walking back towards the village, pushing his hood down as he did so, and then suddenly, without warning, he span round and 'Got you' he thought as he spotted someone. They were a way away, in a dark hooded jacket but he just knew it was them, an intuition that was confirmed as they too stopped in their tracks and a moment or two later turned and began to run. "Oi," John-Paul called as he too started running after them, thinking as he sped after them, 'Oh no, no you don't!'


	9. Stranger Danger?

**Familiar face alert!**

**(Was very tempted to end this on a cliff-hanger but then decided that that might be a wait too far, so you'll need to scroll down past the dots to get to the big reveal. I'm thinking of the main part of this update being the last scene of an episode, with the final reveal being one of those after the credits (i.e. the dots) segments that HO does. Please leave a review if you have a few seconds to spare, and I hope you all enjoy it...)**

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><p>9.<span> Stranger Danger<span>

_July 20__th __2015, 8.44_

John-Paul continued to chase after the person he had seen. Passing the nursery gate the fleeting thought that he hoped none of the staff were watching passed through his mind before being replaced by the much more insistent 'Come on' chant that had been playing in an almost constant loop since he'd first set off. He could see the figure ahead of him and he seemed to be slowly closing the gap between them – 'Not long now. Just got to keep going' he thought. He realised, with the conscious part of his brain that they were heading back towards the village through the estate – 'he knows where he's going' the conscious part said. He was, however, too focussed on not losing the figure in front of him in the rabbit warren of the estate to pay much attention to it.

He came bursting out of an alleyway into a street and just for a moment or two couldn't see the object of his chase. Then a sudden movement and a dark flash further up the road caught his attention and he was off again. However, the very brief moment of pause had allowed his conscious mind in again, 'What the hell are you doing, you idiot? You're chasing someone who you think has been watching you for days. You've got no idea who it is – anything could happen! And, if you do catch him, what then?' 'Then I'll know' the now not-so-little voice in the back of his head, which had once suggested caution, roared in answer. 'I've got to know. I've got to catch him!'

He was now beginning to feel the effects of the physical effort he had been making – he could feel his heart pumping, his legs were starting to burn and his breathing was much more laboured than it had been, but he could see that the person he was chasing was also flagging. The distance between them was slowly decreasing and he was sure he could hear him gasping for breath, or 'perhaps that's me' he thought. They passed the back of The Dog and he realised where the figure in front was heading – the folly, 'there'll be no-one about! ' the conscious part of his mind screamed at him. 'I've got to catch him! I've got to know!' the not-so-little voice screamed back. And, from somewhere, he found another reserve of energy and powered on, decreasing the gap between him and the person in front until it was down to just a few metres.

They approached the folly and now he was sure he could hear his quarry's gasps for air. 'Just a bit further,' he told himself as he came ever closer to his objective, 'just a bit more'. And with one final effort he grabbed the back of his tormentor's jacket and span him round, knocking his hood off in the process. And all the uncertainty, and fear and worry that he had been feeling over the past few days and the determination that had kept him going throughout the chase, turned instantaneously into a white hot fury when he saw who it was. "**You!**" he roared.

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><p>"How dare you! What the hell are you doing? Do you have any idea what I've been thinking?" He shouted, lost in his rage, paying no attention to the person he was shaking with each statement, and not even hearing his mumbled protestations, "How dare <strong>you<strong> follow me and Matthew! What are you even doing here? No, don't tell me – your girlfriend's finally realised the truth and got sick of you and your lies so you've come back here to your fall-back man! Is that it, is it?" And, in the sudden silence that followed John-Paul's shouting out of this final question, his fury dissipated almost as quickly as it had flared, as he heard the words spoken into the quietness, in a faltering voice, _by,_ and noticed the suddenly stricken look _on_ Craig's face.

"No, she died, John-Paul. Cassie died seven months ago."

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><p><strong>So, there we have it - the big reveal, revealed! Hope it didn't disappoint. And I can finally update the synopsis fully = YAY!<strong>


	10. Alternate Chapter 6 - Answers of a Sort

**_Apologies in advance for this (not an) update, because it's not actually an update. It is, as it says an alternate chapter 6. I wrote this version first but then thought of a way I could write it differently so the truth wasn't revealed so early on in the story (partly because I'd had a version of the sentence I eventually used to reveal Craig's identity rattling round my head for ages, and really wanted to use it) which is where the chapter 6 I did use came from. But as someone who really can't abide waste and because an actual update is a few days away, thought I would post it anyway. For those who don't remember this chapter is set after Mercedes has become suspicious about Frankie's absences and her consequent blackmailing of John-Paul to try and find out where she's gone, The beginning is virtually identical to the one that was originally posted but it gets different from Nancy and John-Paul's conversation about the Easter Egg party. Maybe you could let me know which version you prefer by leaving a review._**

**And, to the reviewers who are concerned about where/how the story is going I'd like to say please stick with it because when the real updates appear I think you'll be pleasantly surprised = there are a few more twists to this tale, and I really think it will defy your expectations.**

**_Anyway. apologies again but I hope you enjoy it even so..._**

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><p>10. <span>Alternate Chapter 6 - Answers Of A Sort<span>

_2__nd__ April 2015, 8.56am_

"Hey, Nance." John-Paul said sounding surprised, as he walked in to the staff room "I thought I'd be the first one in today. Well apart from Gregor obviously."

"Yeah well Darren said he'd drop Oscar off at nursery this morning so I thought I'd get an early start. I really want to get as much of my marking done as possible today, so I've been in since just after half seven."

"Wow – was the school even open then?"

"Yes, just – Gregor starts at 7.30." Nancy replied, "Of course, the only problem with early starts is they mean early breakfasts," she continued, "I've had to come here for seconds – I'm starving," she said, indicating the microwave that John-Paul now realised was on and spinning. "Luckily I found one of those porridge sachets in my desk, or it would have to have been a chocolate bar from the vending machine, and I think I'll probably need that later if the state of the year 10 work I've read so far is anything to go by. Do you want one?" she said, pointing at the cup on the counter beside her.

"Oh yes please," John-Paul replied, as Nancy flicked the kettle switch to on.

"Tea or coffee?" Nancy asked

"Coffee please, I'll do it though," he said, walking over to where Nancy had just opened the cupboard to get a cup out for him.

"Thanks" he said, as she handed it to him and then the coffee and a teaspoon too. "So," he said remembering his promise to Mercy and diving straight in to the plan he had formulated, "has Oscar come down from the chocolate high yet?"

"Just about," Nancy said smiling. "Honestly I had no idea they'd have that many chocolate eggs there. I was thinking it'd be one each, two at the most. But I think he had about seven by the end. He wasn't sick though – he's obviously inherited his mother's tolerance to large amounts of chocolate. How about Matthew?"

"Well he wasn't sick but he did say he had a bit of a tummy ache when we got home. Didn't put him off though – he asked me if they were going to have another Easter Egg party when I took him in yesterday. Oh that reminds me, I knew what I meant to ask you, erm - is Frankie alright?"

"What?" Nancy asked, knocked off kilter by the question and desperately trying to gain a few moments more thinking time, and even more desperately hoping the conversation wouldn't go down the route she feared it might.

"Well it's just, I thought it was a bit odd that she wasn't there on Tuesday, and then Mercy said that she'd gone away and I thought that the timing was a bit strange. I mean, Frankie never normally misses any of the nursery events does she? She is alright isn't she?"

"Erm," was the only thing Nancy could manage as she desperately tried to make her brain come up with something other than swear words. "Erm, yes she's OK, well apart from her essential Frankie-ness obviously," she continued – 'humour, that's good'. "What makes you think she might not be?" she asked. 'That's good too' she thought, 'answering a question with a question.'

"Well, it's just I hardly saw her last month and then Mercy said she'd been away a lot since the New Year, and well, she's not ill is she? She's not been having some kind of treatment for something that she doesn't want people to know about? Because you can tell me if she has, you know. You know that, right? Cos I can keep it quiet if that's what you, she wants."

"No," Nancy said, shaking her head for emphasis, "no, she's not ill." .

"Oh," John-Paul said. "But you would tell me if anything was wrong wouldn't you?"

"Of course I would. If there was anything wrong with Frankie," she said, very deliberately, "you'd be the first person I'd talk to. Well," she clarified, "probably not the first person but you know what I mean." And then, to her infinite relief the microwave beeped and she had the perfect excuse to turn away from him, as she fussed around with the porridge

"Oh that's good then." John-Paul said. "So, where has she gone then?"

'Oh god no,' Nancy thought, 'bad, bad words!' as she pretended to look at the packet to see what she had to do, and waited for inspiration to strike. "Needs another minute," she said over her shoulder, as she put the porridge back in the microwave and pressed the buttons, still waiting for inspiration. "Sorry, what did you say?" she asked, anything for a few more moments thinking time.

"Where is Frankie? I mean if she's not ill, where's she gone that's so important that she missed the Easter egg party?"

"Umm," no, no thunder bolt. "She's gone to Dublin," panicked, the truth just spilt out, "to see Craig," she clarified , whilst inwardly yelling swear words at herself, "for Easter" she added, unnecessarily. 'Shut up, shut up, shut up' "Apparently, he's got some time off" she continued, seemingly unable to stem her verbal diarrhoea, "it was just un0fortunate that it was this week – bad timing that's all."

"Oh right," John-Paul said, and Nancy started to relax - just in time for the killer question. "And he's alright, Craig, he's doing OK over there?"

"Erm," and Nancy who never liked lying to her friends, however Darren might spin it, could only think to say, "well I've not spoken to Frankie since she's been there so…". And then, from nowhere and slightly later than she'd hoped - inspiration: "But I could ask Darren… well Jack, and let you know if you want me to."

"Oh no, no, it's fine," John-Paul said quickly "don't bother. I'm sure he's fine – you know Craig." And, although Nancy felt terrible using, what she knew was, John-Paul's still special relationship to Craig against him and, if it were possible, even worse about hiding the truth from him she forced herself to smile along with him saying.

"Oh yep, yes we all know Craig." Before, in what was undoubtedly a stroke of genius on her part changing the subject by saying. "And anyway, Darren got loads of photos on Tuesday, so Frankie's not missed out completely. I think he's already sent some of them to her to see. Ooohh, and he took some really cute video on his phone of Oscar and Matthew, before we arrived as well, and she's seen that too. And actually, d'uh," she continued, "I can send it to you as well if you like cos he's already sent it to me as well."

"Oh yeah, that'd be great" John-Paul answered, "I took some photos but it's always nice to have some moving footage too, isn't it? I don't know why but I always forget I can do it on my phone – stupid really,"

"Right, well" Nancy said, "I'll just sort out breakfast number two whilst you make your coffee, cos I think the kettle's boiled now" she continued, looking over at it steaming, "and then I'll send it on to you. OK?"

"Yeah, yeah," John-Paul agreed as he poured the boiling water into his cup, "that'd be great, thanks."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_2__nd__ April 2015, 12.02pm_

"What did you say that for?" Darren demanded, before realising that Rick was looking over at them from the bar, lowering his voice again and continuing. "Honestly, Nancy"

"I've already said I'm sorry, ok. It just came out – I couldn't think of anything else." Nancy replied, trying to explain.

"You should have lied, said she was… I don't know – on a cruise or something."

"Well obviously I'm not as good as you are at coming up with lies on the spot, maybe because I don't have so much practice at it," Nancy said pointedly. "Like I said I wasn't expecting it – we'd just been talking about the Easter Egg party and then boom – he asks me about Frankie. I just went blank. And anyway, I didn't say anything about what's going on with Craig, and what's so extraordinary about a mum going to visit her son? Why shouldn't Frankie go and see Craig?"

"Well yeah, I sup.."

"And anyway, I did say I didn't want to have to lie to John-Paul."

"I know b.."

"And I'm not sure it would have helped anyway. I mean think about it – if I had said Frankie was on a cruise or that she was ill or something then well we'd all have had to jump on the bandwagon. It just gets too complicated. At least this way we don't have to remember anything – if anybody asks Frankie's gone to visit Craig, end of story."

"Yeah, well maybe," Darren conceded. "Are you going to stay for something to eat?" he continued, turning away from the doorway of The Dog where he and Nancy had been having their (mostly) whispered conversation since she had beckoned him over a few minutes earlier.

"No, I can't" Nancy said, "I've got to get back. I just came to let you know what I said in case motormouth brings it up."

"Motormouth?" Darren asked, the puzzlement evident on his face as well as in his tone of voice.

"Ttt, Mercedes!" Nancy replied, as if it was the most obvious thing on earth. "John-Paul said that she'd been wondering about where Frankie's been and I didn't want you or Jack saying something stupid if she mentions it. Where is Jack?" she asked, turning her head to look back towards the pub's interior.

"He's sorting a delivery. I'll speak to him when he's done."

"OK, great – I'll pop in and see Esther on the way back then as well, just in case Mercedes pops in for an espresso before she starts work. When's she next on?"

"Well, she was meant to start at 12 so," Darren said, looking at his watch, "I expect she'll be in in about ten minutes."

"Well I really don't think John-Paul will have spoken to her yet – he's up to his eyes in marking and he wants to get it finished today, so I can't see talking to Mercedes being high on his priority list. Anyway, I'd better get going I've still got loads to do myself. You still OK to pick Oscar up from nursery again?… Great, ok then I'll see you later." Nancy concluded, before bestowing a kiss on Darren's cheek and opening the door.

"Yep, see ya." Darren said as he watched her from the doorway, waving at her when she turned around just before she went out of sight. He stood there for a few more moments, suddenly struck by the thought that someone was going to have to tell Frankie what had happened. Fortunately his not very pleasant reverie on what would happen after she was told was disturbed by a customer approaching the pub via the bridge and, ever the gentleman, he stepped back to hold the door open for her, and murmured "After you," before following her inside.


	11. Seismic Shift

**A proper 'real' update this time and this actually follows on directly from chapter 9 so have put the very last part of that one at the top of this one (in italics) . As ever please please leave a review if you have a few seconds to spare and I hope you enjoy...**

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><p>11. <span>Seismic Shift<span>

_"How dare you! What the hell are you doing? Do you have any idea what I've been thinking?" He shouted, lost in his rage, paying no attention to the person he was shaking with each statement who was cowering away from him, and not even hearing his mumbled protestations, "How dare **you** follow me and Matthew! What are you even doing here? No, don't tell me – your girlfriend's finally realised the truth and got sick of you and your lies so you've come back here to your fall-back man! Is that it, is it?" And, in the sudden silence that followed John-Paul's shouting out of this final question, his fury dissipated almost as quickly as it had flared, as he heard the words spoken into the quietness, in a faltering voice, by, and noticed the suddenly stricken look on Craig's face._

_"No, she died, John-Paul. Cassie died seven months ago."_

_July 20__th __2015, 8.49_

"Some drunk driver – in a 4 by 4… three and a half times over the limit… ploughed into her at 50 miles an hour." Craig continued, shakily, as John-Paul led him towards one of the benches in the folly. "Didn't see the give way sign," he added, smiling bitterly as they sat down. "And _he_ walked away with… Well ran actually – he tried to leave the scene. Didn't get very far though, could barely walk, let alone drive. _He_ walked away with a fractured shoulder and a few cracked ribs, oh and 18 months in an open prison. But Cassie…she… I mean, it happened just down the road from Jimmy's so they had people there in no time, but well there wasn't really anything they cou… It was just… She didn't stand a chance!... I mean the car it was… you couldn't even… I don't… we only had a Fiesta." He finished quietly. "I'm so sorry," John-Paul said, his anger forgotten as he saw the state Craig was in, "I had no idea. I mean Nancy never mentioned anything, or Frankie."

"No, I didn't want them to"

"What? Why not?"

"I don't…I just…" Craig began, before continuing. "I'm sorry."

"What? What for?" John-Paul asked, confused by the sudden change in the conversation.

"For all this," Craig answered, indicating the folly, "I don't know why I ran. I'm sorry that I worried you. Stupid really. Sorry!" he repeated before running his hands through his hair.

"It's OK," John-Paul replied, everything he had been thinking and feeling in the last few minutes (and the last few days) forgotten as he struggled to think of something, anything that might help Craig. "When did you get back?" he asked, deciding that discussing practicalities might help him to calm down.

"Tuesday night," Craig replied, "I flew in to Dublin for a few hours to sort out some stuff there and then came on here."

"Flew in from where?"

"I've been travelling," Craig replied, "all over. You know – after Cassie," he continued. "Mum and Lewis, they both thought it might help – to see that the world was still there, you know. Although I don't think mum had banked on me being away for so long – I left at the start of April."

"Wow," John-Paul said, "so you've been here since Tuesday? I can't believe I haven't seen you. Or that Nancy didn't mention it."

"Oh she doesn't know," Craig replied, explaining further in response to the look on John-Paul's face. "I've not been at home. I'm staying in town. Mum's the only one I've seen, who knows I'm here, well, and Jack too probably, cos I'm assuming she'll have told him. Well she was, until now anyway. And I am sorry, you know, for how you found out. I don't know what I was thinking. It's just I needed you, to see you," he corrected, "to make sure that you and Matthew were really OK. But I didn't want to cause any disturbance to your lives, to disrupt them at all. And mum 's told me that you normally walk Matthew to nursery on your way to work, and on Wednesday I woke up so early because my body clock's not re-set itself yet that I thought why not. So I came, and I only meant to do it once – but then on Thursday and Friday, it was like… I don't know. But I really didn't mean to upset your lives at all, and now look what I've done" he said, looking round at the folly, "scared you half to death, thinking that you had some kind of stalker. I'm so, so sorry" he concluded, once again.

"It's OK," John-Paul repeated, "it's just nice to know I'm not going mad, that's all," he continued smiling slightly.

"I'm sorry," Craig said again, holding his head in his hands "I never meant for..."

"I said it's fine" John-Paul interrupted, waiting for Craig to look at him again before continuing, "Really."

"And Matthew, he was OK?" Craig asked. "He wasn't scared or anything?"

"No, no he had no idea. And anyway it would take more than someone watching us to scare him – he's inherited Chloe's nerves of steel if nothing else. "

"Have you seen her recently?" Craig asked, once again throwing John-Paul off kilter with a change of topic.

"Urm no, not for ages." John-Paul answered, "she was last seen heading off into the sunset with yet another baby in her belly and your Esther's girlfriend. Why do you ask?"

"Oh, nothing" Craig replied, "and anyway, I doubt Matthew gets his nerves just from her. And he looks _so_ much like you."

"Mmm, I suppose so," John-Paul said, a small smile gracing his face as it usually did when he thought of Matthew. "I don't normally see anything but him, if that makes sense, so it's hard for me to see the similarities."

"Oh well, they're definitely there," Craig said, smiling in return for the first time since John-Paul had caught him, "I'd know he was your son anywhere." They lapsed into a few moments of silence before Craig began, "Cassie reminded me of you too."

"What?" John-Paul asked quietly

"Not looks wise," he continued, "she looked nothing like you at all, but her personality – I always thought that was why we got on so well."

"Craig, I don'..." John-Paul began.

"_She_ was sensitive and smart and brave too you see," Craig continued, giving no indication that he'd heard John-Paul. "And funny," he added, turning to John-Paul and smiling.

"Look Craig, I'm not really" he began again before he was interrupted by the sound of his phone. "Tt, wait a minute," he continued as he took it out of his jacket pocket. "It's from Nancy," he said as he opened the text.

'Have you left yet? If so, mine's a LARGE double espresso - know I'm going to need a massive caffeine hit to get me through today! N xx'

"She OK?" Craig asked.

"Yeah, she's fine. Tired though, I think," John-Paul replied distractedly. "Look Craig, I'm sorry, with you and all this" he continued, indicating the folly, "I'd completely forgotten I've got training at work today"

"I thought it was the holidays?"

"Yeah, it is but apparently this is the only day the person could do it before Christmas and the head was dead set on us doing it, and believe me Patrick Blake isn't someone it's easy to say no to. So I'm sorry I'm going to have to go – it starts in just over 20 minutes and I'm going to have to go home first to pick up my stuff. So, sorry," he concluded, standing up.

"No, it's fine. I wouldn't want you getting in to trouble with your boss – think I've already caused you enough of that today," Craig replied. "But can we talk again…some time. I know I said I didn't want to disrupt your life but now you know I've got so much I want, need to say to you. Please!"

And John-Paul, who had never really been able to refuse Craig anything that he asked for, found himself, almost unconsciously, agreeing to his request. "Yeah, I suppose, OK. I've got nothing on tomorrow morning and Phoebe should be fine to have Matthew for me if I ask her. Is nine o'clock alright?"

"Yeah, of course, that's fine. Where?"

"I don't know – here, the park? I'm guessing somewhere quiet would be better."

"Yeah, yes definitely. Erm, the park then – I'll meet you at the arch at nine. I'll bring the coffees."

"Right OK, I'll see you then, if anything changes I'll let you know," John-Paul said. "You going to be OK, now?"

"Yeah, yeah I'll just sit here for a little bit longer – recover you know, I'm not as fit as I used to be." Craig answered patting his stomach smiling, although John-Paul had the idea that it wasn't just the physical effects of this morning that he needed time to recover from. "Then, I suppose I'll speak to mum – ask her if it's OK for me to come home. There's no point me staying in town now that you know I'm here after all, and it will make her day." He concluded smiling again.

"Well, if you're sure."

Yep, you go on. I really don't want you to get into trouble on my account. And I'll be fine, promise."

"Ok, well I'll see you tomorrow then," John-Paul answered, before turning away.

"Yeah, bye and thanks." Craig answered, and he raised his hand to wave as John-Paul looked back as he walked through the arch, before closing his eyes, taking a deep breath and leaning back against the wall.


	12. After Shocks

**Sorry for the delay in posting this update - have had a very busy week so not much time for this. It's a bit of a filler chapter but hopefully some of you will enjoy it - I promise you it is all going somewhere! Please leave a review if you have a spare few seconds.**

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><p>12. <span>After Shocks<span>

_July 20__th __2015_

_9.28_

"Ah, John-Paul _just_ in time." Patrick said as he walked through the doorway into the classroom.

"Yeah, erm sorry." John-Paul murmured, wondering again as he walked to the seat Nancy had saved for him, how Patrick was able to make him feel like a naughty school-boy even when he hadn't done anything wrong. He smiled at the face Nancy was pulling in response to Patrick's comment, and wondered how she managed to resist his 'naughty school children' super power, before he pulled the chair out from behind the desk and sat down.

"I got your coffee," Nancy whispered, sliding the cup over to his side of the desk.

"Thanks, but I've got a bone to pick with you" John-Paul replied.

"What, me? Why? What am I mea…"

"Right, if we could have some quiet now please," Patrick stated, looking pointedly over at them. "We've got a lot to cover today and I'm sure Dr Lovell would appreciate us starting on time."

oooooo

_11.17_

"What? Craig's here?" Nancy asked incredulously, as they waited towards the back of the queue for the kettle in the staff-room. "Now?"

"Yeah, apparently he arrived on Tuesday."

"God, Frankie kept that quiet!" Nancy said. "I take it she _did_ know he was here?"

"Yes, he said she was the only person he'd seen."

"Wow, I can't believe she didn't tell us!" Nancy said sounding aggrieved .

"And, I can't believe you've been lying to me for all this time. " John-Paul replied, "I mean his girlfriend's been dead for months, and you didn't think to tell me."

"It wasn't my secret to tell!" Nancy stated definitely. "And Frankie made it perfectly clear that he didn't want anyone else knowing. And anyway, I didn't lie, I just didn't tell you."

"Oh, Nancy," John-Paul said, "that would not hold up as a defence in court, and you know it!"

"That's as maybe, but I'm not in court am I? And, like I said it wasn't my secret to tell!" she defended herself resolutely. "And from what Frankie said about how Craig was I really didn't want to do anything that could make things worse. Apparently he was in pieces. How did he seem to you today?"

"Erm, I don't know – OK I guess. I mean he was shaken when he first told me, upset, but it didn't seem out of proportion or anything. And he was smiling by the time I left so…"

"And you said he was going to ask Frankie if he could stay at The Dog from now on?"

"Yep, he'd been staying in town but he said there was no point now" John-Paul replied.

"Oh, well that's good – it'll make Frankie's year!" Nancy said. "And it explains why she's been out so much over the past few days. I thought it was a bit odd her having all those appointments in one go – makes perfect sense now! But why was he staying in town anyway?"

"No idea. You'll have to ask him tonight. What I'd like to know is why he was so desperate to keep the fact that this Cassie had died such a secret. It makes no sense. I mean it was literally just the family who knew?"

"Yep, and apparently he wasn't even that keen on us knowing. It was really only because Frankie went over when it happened and Jack had to explain to Darren why she wasn't there. And obviously Esther had to know and Debbie and Jake too, although apparently Craig would rather even they hadn't been told. I've no idea why though - grief's a funny thing I suppose," she concluded simply.

"And you've not seen him since?"

"No, he didn't want anyone but Frankie over there and then he's been off on his travels for the last few months. If he's there tonight when I get back it'll be the first time I've seen him since…" she paused as she struggled to remember "erm…god, last August! That's nearly a year! We popped over for the weekend whilst Frankie had Charlie and Oscar for us. Darren wanted to do the Guinness tour, _again _and it was the World Culture festival and I'd always wanted to go to that. Yeah, we had a really good time – Craig had got us the company flat to stay in and we went out to this really great club on the Saturday night with a gang from his work - the Button Factory that's it! Yeah it was great. We said we'd try and go back for St Patrick's day this year but then well, obviously that didn't…" she trailed off.

"Oh yeah, I remember you going now." John-Paul said. "I didn't ask too many questions about it, I seem to remember"

"With good reason," Nancy replied, "you had enough going on!"

"Yeah, but still…"

"But nothing," Nancy said firmly, "you've got to learn to give yourself a break John-Paul. Honestly, you are not respon."

"Right folks," Patrick announced, interrupting their conversation, "If you can all start heading back to the training room now please. We've got a lot to cover and I'm sure we'd all like to finish on time… After you've all got a drink obviously," he added, after a short pause noticing the looks he was getting from the small group of his staff, Nancy and John-Paul included, who were still waiting in the drinks queue.

"I told you we should have invested in one of those water boilers Patrick," Nancy called over to him.

"Well thank you Miss Hayton - your advice on the school's procurement policy is always welcome!" he replied, with a tight smile. A comment which caused Nancy to pull a face which, whilst he smiled, also made John-Paul glad that Patrick couldn't see her, a feeling he could see was shared by Paul and Miranda who were also still waiting.

"There should be enough water in there for you four," Lily said, indicating the kettle, "providing none of you use a massive mug," she added, as she stirred her coffee. _'_I'll leave the milk out," she concluded before moving off. "Better get back to it – wouldn't do to keep Herr Kommandant waiting!" she added, looking over at Patrick who was standing impatiently by the door, before sharing a knowing smile with the four of them. "I'll see you in there."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_5.17pm_

Craig heard footsteps starting up the stairs and then heard Nancy call, "If it gets too busy or they get too much just give one of us a shout, OK." He stood up from the sofa just in time to see Darren coming through the door,

"Hey," he said, moving towards the door as Nancy also came into the room. "Hi Nance."

"Hey yourself," Darren said, holding out his hand before pulling him into a hug and patting him on the back. "It's really good to see you, really good" he continued, as he pulled back to look Craig up and down.

"Yeah it is," Nancy agreed, "Oh, come here" she said, side-stepping Darren and giving Craig a huge hug. "And how are you?" she asked deliberately, looking intently at him, as she let him go.

"I'm fine, thanks," he said, grateful for their obvious concern, but a little embarrassed at being in the spotlight, "better, much better!" he continued smiling. "How was the training?"

"Ah, it was good, really interesting actually...," Nancy replied.

"And John-Paul?" Craig quickly interjected.

"He's OK. A bit surprised at seeing you but OK, I think."

oooooo

John-Paul was grateful for the fact that he had arranged for Carmel to pick up Matthew from nursery – he really needed a bit of time to try to process seeing Craig again and his walk home was probably the only quiet space he'd get until he went to bed. He'd thought he might have a chance to discuss things with Nancy but the training really was full on and they'd spent lunchtime discussing some of the ideas in more depth with Dr Lovell and some of the other staff. And then Patrick, obviously still annoyed at her, had co-opted Nancy into helping prepare for the final session during the afternoon break, so he hadn't seen her at all then.

He couldn't really get his head round how he was feeling. He didn't even know how he was feeling let alone have the capacity to think about what it all might mean. He'd been **so** angry when he'd realised who it was who'd been watching them, who'd made him feel so scared (and he was prepared to admit now that he had been scared, terrified in fact). But then when Craig had said about Cassie and he'd seen how upset how he was – it was just awful, and he'd felt so much… so much what? Pity? Sympathy? Empathy? for him. Love? the word popped, unbidden, followed by a huge question mark, into his mind. 'No, not that' he told himself firmly, 'definitely not that!' And he wondered how that was possible, that a few words and a look had made all that anger disappear. I mean he hadn't seen Craig for over two years and after everything he had done he should have still been angry surely. But he had looked so… sad, lost even when he'd told him about Cassie – stricken really, just for a few moments. And I suppose that was enough' John-Paul thought to himself, 'it'd take a very hard heart not to be affected by that, and god knows you haven't got one of those!' Mercy's frequent jibe 'soft-hearted get' came into his head and he smiled at the memory.

Turning into his street it occurred to him that he was going to need more than a walk home from work to sort out everything, especially as he had tomorrow morning to think about as well. He wasn't sure why he'd agreed to the meeting, after all whatever Craig had to say would be two and a half years too late and he couldn't see it making a difference, but he'd been unable to refuse. A throwback to those days when he hadn't wanted to refuse Craig anything he supposed, 'hadn't _been able _to refuse Craig anything' the annoying little voice suddenly decided to pipe up. "Shut up," John-Paul muttered. 'Fine, but you know I'm right!" John-Paul shook his head as he opened the gate and started to walk up the drive, hearing the gate click to closed as he did so. 'And it doesn't look like anything's changed – soft get' the little voice concluded. John-Paul shook his head once again as he reached the front door, then closed his eyes and took a deep breath before putting his key in the door and turning it.

"Hey John-Paul," Carmel said smiling, as she looked up from the magazine she was reading. "How was your training?"

"Yeah, it was good, thanks."

"Ah great, do you want a cup of tea?" she asked, getting up.

"Erm yeah, that'd be nice," John Paul replied. "Where's Matthew?"

"Back garden with Phoebe and Kathleen-Angel. Are you OK?" she asked, stopping in front of him as she went the long way round the table to the kitchen. "You look a bit… I don't know, off?"

"I'm fine Carm, really. Although," he added to her retreating back, "I did have a bit of a shock today."

"Oh?" Carmel said, stopping and looking back at him.

"Yeah, Craig's back," he stated simply, deciding that just saying it would be the best thing, "I erm... ran into him in the village."

"Oh," Carmel repeated, turning round fully to look at him, "and err how was it?" she continued carefully.

"Erm… OK I suppose. I mean it was a shock but it was OK I think."

"And, how is he?" Carmel asked even more cautiously.

"Erm he seemed OK. I mean he's had a pretty bad time of things recently but I th…"

"Oh, boo hoo." Mercedes interrupted, as she came down the stairs where she'd been listening to their conversation, "poor Craig's been having a bad time. What a shame!"

"Mercy!" John-Paul warned quietly,

"What?" she demanded as she reached the lounge. "After everything he did to you, he can't expect any sympathy from me. And don't you dare tell me that you're feeling sorry for him."

"Of course I feel sorry for him," John-Paul replied definitely, "he's lost somebody he loved. How else would you expect me to feel?"

"Oh," Mercedes said, "I didn't realise. Who was…?" But the end of her question was drowned out by Matthew crashing through the back door and shouting, whilst running towards John-Paul

"Daddy, daddy I baked you a biscuit," and on reaching John-Paul continuing, "and it's got strawbelly jam in it. Come and see," and he proceeded to pull John-Paul towards the kitchen, "this way daddy. Come on!"

"Wow, a biscuit with straw_berry _jam – how lucky am I?" John-Paul asked, his attention focussed on Matthew meaning that he missed the look that passed between Carmel and Mercy after Carmel mouthed 'Craig's back!' It also meant that he missed the worried look on both of their faces as they turned to look at him.


	13. The Morning After

**Apologies (again) for the delay in uploading updates - Christmas is coming and I'm just beginning to realise how much I haven't done yet! Hope you enjoy this chapter - it's the one before everything begins to become clear. Hope to get another update up before Christmas but won't promise anything because I have a feeling things are going to get even more manic from now on. If you have a few seconds to spare please leave a review - would love to reach 20 with this chapter.**

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><p>13. <span>The Morning After<span>

_July 21__st__ 2015_

_5.24am_

Craig rolled over to look at the time on the clock. 'Body clock must be getting back into synch' he thought as he realised that he'd managed to sleep past five for the first time since arriving back in England. 'Still too early to get up though' he thought before rolling back to his previous position to try and get back to sleep.

A few minutes later, however, he admitted defeat – there was no way he'd get anymore sleep this morning. His mind was too busy thinking about what was happening later to allow him that. He hadn't meant to 'see' John-Paul, not to talk to, on this trip. But then he hadn't planned to see him at all. He had just come back to visit Frankie, to reassure her that he was really OK now, or better at least. Just a flying visit, a few days at most, before he carried on his journey. And then, on that Wednesday morning when he'd woken so early, he didn't know why, he'd just felt he had to make sure that John-Paul and Matthew, especially Matthew, were really OK, to see for himself. And he'd told himself it was just once, and then when he'd continued to wake up early he'd said that it was just one more time, each time. Then not having seen them over the weekend, there being no certainty about where they would be, or when, he had tried to convince himself yesterday that this would be the last time, choosing to ignore the fact that not seeing them over the weekend had left him feeling lost. And then everything was thrown into chaos when John-Paul had spotted him (and he still had no idea why he ran and didn't _want_ to think about how he'd felt when he'd been caught) but knew that as soon as he'd told John-Paul about Cassie he'd had the overwhelming urge to talk to him properly, to tell him everything, to explain. And he was so grateful that John-Paul had agreed to hear it, to hear him because he knew, after everything, it was a chance he shouldn't have, a chance he didn't deserve.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

_8.47am_

"I'll see you later then, OK?" John-Paul said. "OK, Matthew?" he repeated a little bit louder to attract his son's attention from the Thomas the Tank trains he was playing with. "Now you be a good boy for Auntie Phoebe," he continued walking round the sofa, as he saw him looking up at him, "you do everything she tells you to. And, if you go out anywhere you hold her hand and do NOT run off anywhere, OK?"

"OK daddy"

"Come here then," John-Paul said bending down to give him a hug before planting a kiss on the top of his head as he stood up. "I've got my mobile" he said to Phoebe, who was drying up their breakfast things, "I'm not sure what time I'll be back but it'll definitely be before lunch,"

"OK," Phoebe said, "its fine anyway. I'm meeting Robbie this afternoon but that's not till three."

"I'll be back long before then"

"Alright. Have a good time then."

"Erm, I'm not sure," John-Paul began as he put his jacket on before being interrupted by Mercedes demanding

"Where are you going? I thought you didn't have anything on this morning?" as she came down the stairs.

And John-Paul , who had hoped he'd be gone before she got up, tried to close down the conversation, saying "I didn't but I do know" as he walked over to the door, desperate to get out of the house and avoid Marcy's questions.

"And what about Matthew?" Mercedes asked, "I'm not looking after him!"

"It's OK, Phoebe's doing it, aren't you?" he explained as he went to open the front door.

"Yeah, yeah, it's fine." Phoebe reassured her. "I get to spend some time with my favourite boy," she continued, smiling as she walked over to where Matthew was and sat on the floor next to him.

"There, see, sorted!" John-Paul said to Mercedes as he once again went to open the door.

"Wait a minute." Mercedes said, causing John-Paul to close the door he had just opened and look back at her. "You still haven't told me where you're going."

"No I haven't," John-Paul answered simply, reaching for the door handle again.

"Oh tell me you're not," Mercedes exclaimed. "Please tell me you're not going to see HIM! John-Paul," she continued, as his silence provided her with the answer, "you've got to be joking! For god sake, what are you thinking?"

"I'm thinking that it's none of your business," John-Paul said, "AND that I really don't want to hear your opinions on me going to see Craig!"

"But after everyth…" Mercedes began.

"I said I don't want to hear them," John-Paul re-iterated as he finally opened the door fully. "Bye Matthew," he called closing the door with a distinct bang, before Mercedes had a chance to say anything else.

He paused briefly outside the door and could hear Mercy railing at a clueless Phoebe, "Why did you say you'd look after Matthew for him?" He felt sorry for Phoebe, she would have no idea why Mercy was angry, and he briefly considered going back in and sticking up for her. But he didn't – worried that if he did it would give Mercy the opportunity to persuade him that he was making a huge mistake. And he knew he wouldn't take too much persuading – beset with his own doubts about the sense of his actions as he was. The almost overwhelming feeling that he shouldn't be doing this, that it would be a mistake, a step backwards after everything, was still there as it had been since he'd agreed to this meeting. He'd almost phoned The Dog so many times yesterday and this morning to cancel – he'd even got as far as dialling the number once last night, before slamming the phone down as it had begun to ring. And the thing that stopped him from waiting till the phone was picked up and which made him, after taking a deep breath, leave Phoebe to it and set off towards the front gate? The small but firm conviction that though he probably _shouldn't_ meet Craig, he actually _couldn't not_!

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_9.02am_

Craig paced across the archway entrance and glanced at his phone for what felt like the 100th time. He had more than half-expected John-Paul to cancel their meeting, if not yesterday then this morning, and was still worried that he'd get a phone call from Frankie to pass that message on. 'He's only a couple of minutes late,' he reassured himself, before looking up the parade once again and still seeing no sign of John-Paul, looking at his phone again and willing it not to ring, he began to pace back and forward across the archway entrance again. Then, on one of his passes he saw John-Paul appear round the corner heading towards him and he was finally able to breathe properly again.

"Hey," he called out as John-Paul approached, "I got the coffees" he said, holding up the bag from the Magic Bean

"Hi," John-Paul said, "sorry I'm late – my escape plan wasn't quite fool-proof enough."

"Oh no it's fine, I've not been here long myself," Craig replied, failing to mention that this was only because he hadn't wanted the coffees to be cold, and that he'd actually left The Dog with Esther when she'd gone out to open up. "What was wrong with your plan?" he asked as John-Paul reached him.

"I hadn't figured on Mercy being up!" John-Paul said simply.

"Oh," Craig replied, "she tried to talk you out of coming I take it."

"Something like that."

"Well, it's nice to know some things never change," Craig said smiling, "your big sisters are still looking out for you."

"Mmm, that's one way of looking at it I suppose," John Paul answered, although he didn't sound too sure.

"And how are they all" Craig said, turning to lead the way towards the park.

"Oh you know," John-Paul said, "same as usual – loud, annoying, interfering. Like you said some things never change."

"But some things do - your mum coming back from the dead, for one," Craig said.

"Oh you heard about that then?"

"Oh yes!" Craig said definitely, "mum mentioned it."

"I bet she did" John-Paul said, wondering what else Frankie had mentioned. "I'm sure she had more than a few choice words to say about it."

"You could say that." Craig agreed, smiling, "I don't think _she_ could change if she wanted to! And, how is she, your mum?"

"Yeah, OK," John-Paul said, "her and Nana are off visiting my Auntie Kathleen in Spain at the moment. There's talk of them all going over at some point this summer as well – you know to see Jacqui."

"You don't fancy it then?"

"No fear!" John-Paul stated, "It's bad enough going out with just Mercy to the Loft but all my sisters and my mum and nan in one place – no thank you! Then there's Theresa – she's enough trouble for one country on her own. I tell you Alicante won't know what's hit it."

"But you must miss Jacqui?"

"Yeah of course, but nowhere near enough to risk a McQueen family holiday," John-Paul said, "and besides Matthew and I went to see her at Easter anyway, and she understands. Said that me and Matthew should enjoy the peace and quiet. I'm really looking forward to it actually – a whole week with just Matthew and me – not having to wait for the bathroom and there actually being some hot water for my shower. It'll be heaven"

"Yeah I suppose," Craig said, "although next time you speak to Jacqui could you ask her to spend some Spanish sunshine our way. I mean, what's with the weather? I know it's an English summer but I really didn't expect to have to be wearing a jacket even here at this time of year – it's so cold! "

"I know, but you wouldn't believe how hot it was in June. We had to change the uniform policy for the GCSE exams in the end – I mean Patrick wasn't keen but after the second person fainted even he could see that it might be better if we let them wear their own clothes."

"Patrick?"

"Patrick Blake – the headmaster."

"Oh right, yeah, I think Nancy mentioned him last night. Do you remember her campaign to get us wearing our own clothes in sixth form?"

"How could I forget?" John-Paul said, "she got sent home SO many times. But still, it paid off and I have to say it was good to finally be able to get rid of that uniform. Jeans and a sweatshirt – heaven!"

"Or a cardigan" Craig said.

"Well they were always more your thing than mine."

"Well, you do have to have a certain style to carry them off I suppose," Craig said.

"Mmm, that's one way of looking at it." John-Paul said smiling, "although some people might say that style had very little to do with it."

"Oi," Craig said, mirroring his smile "don't diss the knitwear – it's an essential part of my wardrobe."

"Yeah, I remember – that snowflake jacket you had, I used to think you were surgically attached to it sometimes."

"I think I've still got that somewhere," Craig said, "well I don't remember getting rid of it, anyway. It must still be in Dublin, unless you…"

"Oh no, no I didn't do anything with it. More than my life was worth," John-Paul answered, "but I suppose Cassie might have" he continued carefully, feeling strange saying her name.

"Oh no, no _she_ wouldn't have." Craig said confidently

"Mmm, I wouldn't bank on it. I've got five sisters remember, and I know that when they didn't like their boyfriend's clothes, they didn't stand a chance. The clothes, not the boyfriends," he clarified, "although sometimes with Mercy…"

"No, no, I think you…" Craig began, before pausing momentarily, shaking his head slightly and continuing "No, Cassie wouldn't have – she didn't care what I wore."

"If you say so," John-Paul replied, although he didn't sound convinced

"I do," Craig stated, before saying, "How about over there?" looking over to a picnic table.

"Yeah, looks fine." John-Paul answered, leaving the path they'd been following and heading across the grass.

"I still can't quite believe that Nancy's with Darren though," Craig said,

And even though John-Paul noticed how he'd changed the subject he let it go, answering. "Yeah, they're not the most obvious couple are they? But they seem to work. And they've really been through it" he added, as they reached the picnic table and he swung his legs over the bench to sit down."

"Mmm, I know" Craig agreed as he sat down, "that Sienna girl sounds like she's madder than a bag of ferrets, and then there was all that stuff with the wedd" he began, before realising what he had started to say he hastily continued, "everything else. Yep – guess they must really be meant to be," he finished, smiling weakly, whilst inwardly kicking himself for being so stupid.

"Yeah, yes they must be," John-Paul agreed quietly, suddenly and for the first time feeling uncomfortable in Craig's presence, wondering how much he knew about that time and all that had gone before, and after.

Craig, desperate to make amends for his insensitivity took a sudden and disproportionate interest in the paper bag from the Magic Bean that he'd been carrying and taking one of the cups out announced, much louder than was necessary, "Large latte macchiato with extra chocolate sprinkles. Right?"

"You remembered?" John-Paul said, profoundly grateful for Craig's intervention and also genuinely touched that he had.

"Of course," Craig stated simply, "I got us a flapjack too, and a piece of millionaire's shortbread as well. Esther recommended the brownie but I thought you'd prefer these," he finished, taking the cakes and some serviettes out of the bag. "I was right wasn't I?" he asked anxiously.

"Yeah, yeah you were" John-Paul replied, smiling weakly "What've you got?" he asked, indicating the cup Craig was holding.

"A mocha," Craig answered, "I was going to get a tea but then," he began before continuing, with a shake of his head, "Oh it doesn't matter," he said, "It's a mocha."

"Right," John-Paul said, unsure what else to say to that.

"Yeah, a mocha," Craig repeated, his conversation trailing away into silence. And the silence grew, and grew, and Craig took a nervous sip of his coffee before taking a deep breath and appeared to be just about to say something before, instead, taking another sip of drink. And, John-Paul feeling increasingly uncomfortable also took a sip of his drink, vaguely registering that there really were extra chocolate sprinkles in it, before smiling, he hoped encouragingly, across at Craig. He briefly returned the smile before looking down at the table and once again taking a sip of drink. John-Paul shifted uneasily on the bench and because he couldn't stand the silence anymore said,

"Sooo," just as Craig, with a small nod of his head, looked up, directly at him and began….


	14. Missed Communications

**Sorry, I haven't updated this for so long but cometh the New Year, cometh the next chapter. This is the one where things will start to become clearer so hopefully you will like it. Please leave a review if you have a few seconds to spare (I really do like to hear what people think) and enjoy...**

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><p>13.<span> Missed Communications<span>

_John-Paul shifted uneasily on the bench and because he couldn't stand the silence anymore said,_

"_Sooo," just as Craig, with a small nod of his head, looked directly at him and began…._

"I knew" he said quietly.

"What?" John-Paul asked, who hadn't caught what he'd said.

"I knew," Craig repeated, more firmly, "as soon as I'd calmed down and then sobered up after Christmas. I knew I'd made a mistake getting on that bus."

"But Craig," John-Paul objected, interrupting, "when I spoke to you on the phone after, you didn't say anything."

"I know, I know."

"In fact, it seemed like you couldn't get me, us, out of your life fast enough."

"Well I wasn't exactly sober when we had that conversation, Craig replied, "and I was stupid, and angry, and hurt. John-Paul you didn't trust me, after everything!" he said, and John-Paul could hear the hurt that still remained about that. "And," he continued, "I was too stubborn, and pig-headed and proud, I know that, and stupid…and hopeful. Stupidly hopeful," he finished, quietly.

"What does that mean?" John-Paul asked.

"I thought you'd come back, that you'd come home, back to me."

"What? You think I'd have left Matthew?"

"No, of course not," Craig answered, sounding genuinely shocked at the suggestion. "I knew you.."

"But you made it perfectly clear that you didn't want anything to do with him when I spoke to you," John Paul stated, speaking over him

"Yes, but like I said I was hurt and angry and half-cut when we had that conversation – I didn't really know what I was saying, and you know I was never really sure about us having a baby."

"Yes, I do," John-Paul said, "so how would it have worked if I had come back, eh? You not wanting Matthew, resenting him, and me. You'd have ended up hating me, and things were bad enough without that."

"I could never hate you," Craig stated simply, "and I didn't say I didn't want _Matthew_, I said I wasn't sure about us having a baby. Once he was here **and" **he added, trying to pre-empt the objection he knew would come about 'that' phone call, "I'd had a bit of time to think about everything, quite a bit of time," he admitted, "I knew that it would be OK. That we'd be OK."

"And you didn't think to tell _me _this?"

"Yes, of course I did," Craig answered, "but like I said, it took some time for me to realise. And before I thought about it, after I realised that you weren't coming back there was a bit of time when things went a bit…awry - you know, working too hard, partying too late. You know, to forget, or to try to at least. And then by the time I had realised it, it seemed like I was too late because I did try to get in touch but you'd changed your mobile number, my emails kept bouncing back as undeliverable and either you weren't on Facebook anymore, or you'd blocked me ."

"Oh yes," John-Paul said, "I closed my account when I started at the school. Social media and teaching don't really go together – especially not with my mother posting baby photos on there every five minutes. It just wasn't worth the hassle."

"No, I suppose not," Craig said, smiling slightly. "I even risked the wrath of the Rottweiler's and phoned you at home but all I got was that annoying woman saying 'The number you have dialled has not been recognised, please try again.' So, in the end, and with a bit of encouragement, I went old school and wrote to you. And I was half expecting you to return them unopened."

"Them?"

"Yep, but you didn't, but you didn't answer them either and so I assumed that _was_ your answer. And from what mum told me it seemed like you were getting on with your life and so it didn't seem fair to… I don't know… I mean, I figured I'd already hurt you enough and," he trailed away before continuing. "I kept writing to you though, I'm not sure why. I suppose it was my way of keeping a connection with you."

"What, so you've been writing to me for all this time?" John-Paul asked disbelievingly.

"Yes," Craig answered, sounding puzzled, "about once a month normally. But more recently -sometimes once even twice a week when I was away," he finished. Then he looked at the incomprehension on John-Paul's face and suddenly the penny dropped. "Oh, you didn't get them did you?"

"No," John-Paul said, "no, I didn't."

"Well I'm not making it up, I promise!" Craig said quickly.

"No, no I don't think that." John-Paul said slowly shaking his head, before continuing, "my bloody mother must have been interfering."

"So you didn't get the presents either then?" Craig asked.

"Presents?"

"Yeah, Christmas and birthdays. I mean the first ones were late, really late and after that they were quite small for ease of postage, but I sent one every year for you and Matthew. I kept up the tradition for Christmas, well only really sort of for Matthew, but definitely for you."

"What? Tradition?" John-Paul asked, before he remembered. "Oh, the Christmas decorations!"

"Yeah, I mean it wasn't the same for Matthew – I always got him nice ones. And for the last couple of years yours have been smaller, but yes every year."

"No, no we didn't get them." John-Paul answered, feeling himself growing angrier by the second at what his mum must have done. "I'm going to kill her!"

"Hey, hey calm down," Craig said. "I'm sure she kept them from you for a good reason. Like I said mum had told me how you were getting on with your life, maybe she just didn't want me raking up the past again."

"Yes, but that wasn't her decision to make was it?" John-Paul said angrily. "She had no right!"

"No, but may…"

"But nothing!" John-Paul exclaimed before, realising that it wasn't Craig's fault, continuing with a slight shake of his head, "Sorry, sorry."

"Hey, it's OK," Craig replied, "I of all people know how infuriating mums can be," he finished, and was relieved to see John-Paul's face relax and even a very small smile appear.

"Yes, but I will be having words when she gets back," he promised, before taking a sip of his coffee.

"Yeah, well just let her explain her side, please," Craig said. "The last thing I want to do is cause a rift between you and Myra. I'm almost sorry I mentioned it, them now."

"Don't be stupid," John-Paul said, "it's nice to know you were thinking of me, of us."

"Course I was. I always ask about you and Matthew when I speak to mum."

"Really?"

"Yes, and I got her to send photos of Matthew as well. You were always in here" he said, tapping his forehead, "and here," touching his chest, "just like before. What," he continued, noticing the expression on John-Paul's face, "you don't believe me?"

"Well it'd be easier if it wasn't quite so obvious that you'd moved on so completely and so quickly with this Cassie girl," John-Paul answered, bitterness creeping into his tone.

"Oh," Craig said, "right. Well, that's the thing."

"What thing?" John-Paul snapped, glaring at Craig for a few moments before breaking the contact by taking another sip of coffee.

"Well, I think you've got the wrong ide..." Craig began, before shaking his head and waiting for John-Paul to look up at him again he continued. "_I_ don't know what you _think _you know about me and Cass, but I do know that if it's what Chloe told you at least half of it won't be the truth."


	15. Truths Unfolding

**Apologies for yet another awfully long gap between updates - hope this will be worth the wait. Apologies also if the Cassie stuff does not match with what you know from Hollyoaks - hope you'll be able to forgive me! As ever PLEASE leave a review if you have a few seconds to spare, I really do like to know what people are thinking about my scribblings. Also as ever I hope you enjoy...**

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><p>15. <span>Truths Unfolding<span>

"_Well, I think you've got the wrong ide.." Craig began, before shaking his head and waiting for John-Paul to look at him again he continued. "__**I**__ don't know what you __**think**__ you know about me and Cass, but I do know that if it's what Chloe told you at least half of it won't be the truth."_

"What?" John-Paul asked, irritation still evident in his voice. "What's that supposed to mean?"

"Well...," Craig began

"Because Chloe said that you were living with some girl and you've not said anything since I first saw you that's made me think _that_ wasn't the truth." John-Paul interrupted, "and she must have been important to you because…"

"John-Paul" Craig tried, unsuccessfully to regain his attention

"…why else would you have fallen apart so spectacularly when she died?" he continued, oblivious to Craig's attempted intervention. "And please don't try to pretend that you didn't because _I _saw you yesterday, and from what Nancy told me it was much worse than that and I…"

'He asked Nancy about it, about me' Craig thought in passing, absurdly cheered by the revelation, whilst also still trying to figure out how to stop John-Paul for long enough to allow him to speak. 'He's so cute when he's full of righteous indignation' another wayward thought distracted him, causing his focus to shift from what John-Paul was saying to just looking at him for a few moments. Before, with a real concentrated mental effort and the smallest shake of his head he tuned back in to what John-Paul was saying, determined, this time, to say what _he_ needed to.

"… that you don't just crumble over nothing, over nobody. So if you dare to even suggest now that she didn't mean anything to you. That she wasn't important. That you could live and sleep and share your life with someone for two years and it be nothing. That it was just 'one of those things', then I'll know who the biggest liar is. And believe me it won't be Chloe."

"J-P," Craig said insistently into the brief space created by John-Paul's need to take a breath and, whether because he had temporarily run out of steam or because he was surprised into silence by Craig's use of this shortened version of his name (which he hadn't heard for so long), John-Paul did stop and looked over at Craig, still angry, as if daring him to disagree.

"You're right," Craig began, disarming John-Paul's anger with those two small words, and seeing confusion replace it in his face, noticing too the deep breath John-Paul took as he continued. "I did share my life with her for two years and she was important to me. How could she not be?" he asked. Pausing to take a deep breath of his own before continuing, "but that's not…" He paused once again, running his hand distractedly through his hair, looking down at the table before, after shaking his head slightly he looked across at John-Paul, holding his gaze, and began again. "Cassie and I, we did live together and sometimes we even slept together but," and at the mention of this John-Paul looked away, said

"Craig I don't want," and prepared to get up

"BUT," Craig repeated slightly louder, "that's _all_ we did do." And John Paul's, whose departure had been halted by the jolt he'd received when Craig had instinctively reached for his hand to stop him leaving, absolute bewilderment must have shown on his face because Craig continued, "_Sleep_, that's _all_ we did – her in one of her innumerable pairs of Winnie-the-Pooh pyjamas and me in my boxers and one of my old T-shirts, or sometimes one of yours. And even that" he continued, "was only when we'd fallen asleep watching Newsnight. She had a TV in her room and her bed was much more comfortable than that sofa you chose," he said, pre-empting one of John-Paul's questions. "And sometimes, when she'd had a really bad day I'd sit with her until she was asleep and occasionally then I couldn't be bothered to go back to my own bed. But there was _never_ anything else to it."

"What, so you never?"

"No, there was never anything like that between me and her - friendly kisses on the cheeks were the most we ever did. Not that when we met her I wasn't up for more," he continued, "but like I said she was like you, sensitive and smart, and she got it, got me right from the start. She knew I was in love with someone else and knew that she didn't need that, and that I didn't really either... You don't believe me?" he asked again, looking carefully at John-Paul's face.

"No, yes, I mean well what was it with you two then? If she wasn't your girlfriend, what was she?"

"I've been thinking about that," Craig said, "recently especially, and the closest thing I can think of is that she was a sort of combination of best friend and big sister. You know someone who's," he said smiling wryly, "always looking out for you but who's not afraid to tell you what's what either. And it wasn't just you she reminded me of either, there were some aspects of her that were so much like Steph it was almost untrue."

"So, she was like a sister?" John-Paul asked.

"Yes, sort of, I don't know."

"But you wouldn't have slept with Steph!"

"Well no, but that's not the same," Craig argued, "and I've already explained that."

"Yes, I know and I'm trying to understand but you have to admit it all sounds a bit unlikely."

"Yes I know it does," Craig said animatedly, "but that doesn't mean it's not true. And I **am** telling you the truth," he finished, once again reaching for John-Paul's hand across the table.

"Hmm," John-Paul said, unsettled once again by the feeling Craig's touch engendered in him. "So you expect me to believe that you lived with this great girl for two years, and that sometimes you slept with her, but that nothing happened between you?"

"No, I don't_ expect_ you to believe anything," Craig began, answering the confusion he saw in John-Paul's face by continuing "but I_ hope_ you will because it **is** the truth."

"Right, OK," John-Paul said, "so assuming that I do believe you, what was Cassie's take on it and what did she get out of it?"

"What, apart from a fantastic flatmate, someone to share the bills with and this beautiful face to look at over the breakfast table, you mean?" Craig replied smiling, attempting to make a joke.

"Yes," John-Paul answered seriously.

"Well, I don't know really," Craig replied, serious now himself, "she got me I guess. I mean she was an only child and she always said she'd have loved to have a brother or a sister, no matter how many times I told her how over-rated they are," he said smiling again, and relieved to see a slight smile appear on John-Paul's face too. "And, she'd just come out of a bad relationship, a really bad relationship – that's why she moved to Dublin. So once we'd established that nothing was going to happen and, like I said she got that the first time we met. And we just got on so well – you know just clicked right from the start. So I suppose it was just perfect – I needed a flatmate, she needed somewhere to live, so why not? And anyway it wasn't as if we were in each other's pockets all the time – neither of were keeping the other unwillingly single or anything."

"So, there were others?"

"Yeah, yes," Craig admitted, "before Cassie, in my messed up phase, there were quite a few, none of whom meant anything, most of whom I never saw again after I left whatever club I happened to be in. Then, after Cassie, there were some more – a few who got to the second or third date stage, and one or two who Cassie even met but none of them stuck. I even went to Flounge and the rest, a couple of times, just for you, but," he continued, shaking his head, "turns out I am, like your mum said 'a one-man's man', still. But I mean you can't have expected me not to see anyone, surely?" Craig asked.

"Well, seeing as how until very recently I thought you'd been playing happy families with some girl for the last couple of years I hadn't really considered you seeing anybody else."

"Well, like I said before," Craig rushed to reassure him, "none of them stuck."

"Hey, it's OK," John-Paul said, "you don't have to explain yourself, really. It's been more than two and a half years, things are bound to have happened in that time."

"Yeah, mum told me about Ste," Craig said, "I'm sorry it didn't work out."

"Are you?"

"Of course I am. I'd never want you to be hurt," he stated simply. "I just wanted you to be happy, so much – even though it hurt like hell when mum told me you'd got engaged. But then I knew it was only a matter of time before someone snapped you up, and that things were serious with Ste, so it wasn't completely unexpected. Unwelcome but not unexpected" he concluded, smiling softly across at John-Paul.

"Stupid more like," John-Paul said quietly, "we should never have got engaged. Shouldn't really have been together if I'm honest, not long-term anyway – we weren't good for each other. Don't get me wrong I did love him and I, I couldn't have got through last year without him but it wasn't healthy for either of us. I don't know what I was thinking when I said yes… … No," he said suddenly, shaking his head "actually that's not true. I know why I said yes… …" And then he stopped, his head dropping to look down at the picnic table before he raised it and looked across at Craig. And, in that moment, he looked so lost that the only thing Craig could think to do was, once again, reach out to cover John-Paul's free hand with his own and gently squeeze it. And still John-Paul didn't carry on.

But Craig sensed that he needed to say whatever it was he was struggling to find the words for. And so, asked softly, into the ever increasing silence, "Why?"

And that one quiet question was enough, and John-Paul, dropping his gaze from Craig's to look at their hands, fingertips just touching now, began. "I thought he could save me, and he needed saving too, so it was like we were both drowning and were each other's life belts. But that's not a good basis for a relationship is it? Not really. I mean we'd only really spent a few months properly together, if that, and there was nothing solid there at all… And I did need him, and he did save me and I rescued him too but that should have been it. It was like we got each other to the shore, somehow, but we should have just left each other there – coughing and retching on the sand, but breathing, alive – you know" he said, looking up at Craig once more. "But instead we just clung to each other – stumbling around until we ended up, inevitably, in sinking sand. And being together meant that we just sank faster, further – we just kept pulling each other down. And we were drowning again, or suffocating or something, but this time in each other's need. And then we weren't each other's saviours. We were the thing that was stopping us from rescuing ourselves. Holding on to each other when we shouldn't have been, when it was bad for us, killing us both. And I just couldn't do it – it was too hard. I couldn't try to save him anymore, fighting for myself was almost too much, and I knew it wasn't helping him either. So I had to let him go because I couldn't, I just couldn't hold on to him for any longer… … And it was awful," he continued, the distress evident on his face, "the worst thing I've ever had to do, because I didn't know he'd be OK, and I so wanted him to be because I did love him. He could have gone under but I just knew, I just knew that if I didn't then I definitely would. And there was Matthew, always there's Matthew, and I had to be there to hold on to him, and he couldn't be with us in the sinking sand. He just couldn't! He deserves better than that, doesn't he?" he asked, looking across at Craig, with the desperation in his eyes that he'd seen there on only a few occasions before.

And Craig, moved beyond words, could only nod his head in confirmation and once again gently move his hand so that it covered John-Paul's. And he wondered again, as he saw John-Paul struggling to control his emotions, wiping the tears he was shedding away with his free hand (an action Craig was suddenly acutely aware he'd seen more times than he should have) about the courage of the man he was looking at. Wondered, and was then awed by it, as he always had been, even if it had sometimes driven him to distraction, and caused him no end of trouble. He had always known that John-Paul was the bravest person he had ever known. And that, no matter how hard things were he always had enough courage to make (or try to, he thought ruefully) the right decisions for those people he loved most and best. And so he asked, what he knew was a stupid question but which would, he also knew, help: "You OK?"

And it did. He saw the recognition at what he was doing flicker across John-Paul's face and then the very slight alteration in him as this filtered through before he looked up at him and replied, "Then, no. Now, yeah."

"And Ste?" Craig asked, desperately hoping that there wouldn't be another ghost (although this time a metaphorical one) to haunt him.

"Yeah," John-Paul said, "he's OK too. I think he surprised himself. I know he surprised me. I mean it was horrible, for both of us, at the start, but then… But I mean he had Leah and Lucas, like I had Matthew so he had to be OK didn't he?"

"And how are they?" Craig asked, "Leah and Lucas?

"Erm, they're OK" John-Paul replied, curious for the briefest of moments why he was asking that, before he remembered, with a wumph, why Craig would be interested in Ste's children. "No, they're great," he continued, aware now that Craig would want more than an off-hand answer to this question, whilst at the same time wondering how he could ever have forgotten the connection that existed between him and the two children. "I mean I still see them a lot, and they're both doing really well. Leah's eight now and she's a real cutie, really bright too. Loves singing and dancing and she had a solo in the end of year performance and she stole the show," he continued smiling. "And Lucas, well he's another cutie. Getting on OK at school although I don't think he's that keen on it. He'd rather be playing football but according to his teacher he's one of the kindest children in the class, so Amy and Ste must be doing something right."

"And Amy, how's she?" Craig asked.

"Yeah – she's good!" John-Paul said. "She's got another year of her course to do and she's always saying how much she's enjoying it, and her and Ste are getting on really well now so that helps with the kids and everything."

"I'm glad" Craig said, the residual affection he'd always felt for the girl who, if things had been different, would have been his sister-in-law, coming to the fore.

"Yeah, me too." John-Paul said, "yeah, so everybody's OK. Eventually, everything worked out alright – not happy ever after but well, sometimes OK has to be enough."

"I'm still sorry," Craig replied, "I know it wasn't right but I wish it had been. I so wanted you to be happy, especially after last year, what happened," noticing how John-Paul tensed at these words, he almost didn't continue but after the slightest of pauses decided that he had to, so quietly concluded, "the rape and everything."

"Oh," John-Paul said, looking quickly across at Craig before once again transferring his gaze to the table, "so you know about that?"…

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><p><strong>Am aware that this is a bit of a strange place to finish but think the next part does need a new chapter. Am also aware that I have changed the Hollyoaks canon by having Ste and JP as engaged rather than married but because of the way I want this story to go I hope you'll indulge me and just go with it. Also, the John-Paul I know (rather than the one tPtB seem to want us to believe he is) would never have got married when the foundations of his relationship were as shaky as his and Ste's are, especially when there were 3 children involved. Will also not be including the next big McHay crisis in this story (won't say what it is in case some people reading don't do spoilers) because it feels like one complication too many to explain, and I personally feel that there's more than enough there already - so once again I hope you can forgive me!<strong>


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